Completely Unexpected
by meandmylife
Summary: Sarah has just moved to London and gotten herself a job where she one day completely unexpectedly meets her ultimate celebrity crush. Will it be an instant attraction or will the hopeless romantic in her get the better of her? The real fun though, starts when her past returns to her life with new hurt and confusion. The question is; will she make the right choice in the end?
1. Intro

Sarah has just moved to London and gotten herself a job where she one day completely unexpectedly meets her ultimate celebrity crush. Will it be an instant attraction or will the hopeless romantic in her get the better of her?

The real fun though, starts when her past returns to her life with new hurt and confusion. The question is; will she make the right choice in the end?

**A Danisnotonfire fan fiction (with appearances of Amazingphil).**

I'm sorry the first few chapters are a little short and slow, but I can assure you that it picks up!

Do not be intimidated by the amount of chapters in this fanfic, the chapters are almost all between 1 and 2 word pages long, so even though it looks like a lot of reading, it's really not that much. Obviously it is quite a bit of reading, but I'm sure you'll manage. I also know from experience that when you get into a story you read it all really fast because you want to know what happens.

This is my first story here, so sorry if it's not completely up to par, hope you can still enjoy it though, because I have definitely enjoyed writing it.

I will be trying to put up one chapter every day until you eventually catch up to me. So, you'll never lose track of where the storyline is going. Even though the way it looks now, you might never catch up to me, but then I'll be able to start writing other things when I'm finished and have something new waiting for you when you're done with this one.

This story is dedicated to my friend Mia. She is the reason I started writing this story to begin with. We had gotten tired of unrealistic fanfiction so I decided to write one of my own for her to read. Then I got so into it and wrote like half of it in just like two weeks. She then urged me to put it out on the internet, at first I didn't want to do it until the story was completely finished, but I'm so far along with the story now that I just wanted to start sharing it and I wanted her to be able to start reading it as well.

**Please**, if you have any feedback on the story I would love to hear it, so don't be afraid of writing reviews.

**Cast:**

**Andrea (myself) as Sarah (I'm the girl on the cover and I also have a picture on my profile, I almost always write with the main character being myself, especially if it's first person)**

**Daniel Howell as Himself**

**Hayden Christensen as Benjamin**

**Erin Heatherton as Ally**

**Emma Watson as Anna**

**Philip Lester as Himself**

**Emma Stome as Valery**


	2. Chapter one

**Chapter one**

I had finished high school, which in Norway meant that I had finished 13 years of school. I had just turned 19 years old. After finishing school I decided to move to London. I loved everything about England, the language, the people and the tea. I had been to London once before and all my favorite YouTubers lived in England! So, that's how I decided to move there.

I had worked all though high school, saving up for the future. That didn't mean that I had a whole lot of money. Luckily I had found a flat in London, which surprisingly was quite centrally located for the price I could pay.

The first of September was the day I was set to move. I had shipped over all of my stuff the week before, so I had the basics for survival when I finally got there. The first week went to sorting out my flat, unpacking all the boxes and buying anything else I needed. After that I decided to start the hunt for a job. I couldn't keep living on the little money I had saved up over the course of the three years of high school. My parents sent me money every week as well, because I couldn't really survive off my own money, but I wanted to be more independent. I mean, I had officially moved out now.

In between the job hunting I was able to take some time off so I could explore the city. Had never been much of a person for clubbing. The thought of a big crowded room with loud music, which I didn't really like, full of lots of sweaty people didn't really do it for me. So, in the evenings I would walk around all the back alleys, obviously avoiding the dingy parts of town, I had done my homework. And during the day when I wasn't filling out applications forms for jobs or going to job interviews I would walk down all the shopping streets, looking in all the cute shop windows, and seeing all of those that London is so famous for. I rode the London eye, went to see Big Ben, Parliament, Trafalgar square, Tower of London, the National Gallery, and of course I had to take trip over to Madame Tussauds. I basically packed so many exiting experiences into those days; I was surprised I had the energy to actually look for a job.

You could probably imagine my surprise when I was accepted for a position at Starbuck two weeks into my hunt. Starbucks was one of the first places I had applied to, because it was extremely close to my flat. It only took about ten minutes to walk there. Perfect! So, three weeks into my move to London I had gotten my flat al sorted out, seen almost every corner of London, and gotten myself a job. I was so thrilled.

That Monday I started at my new job. The manager was a very kind woman called Lucy. I had met her at my job interview. She greeted me on my first day with a cheery "Hello Sarah, welcome to the Starbucks family".

"The Starbucks family?" I asked a little taken aback.

"Oh, yeah I'm kind of required to say that to you, since it's your first day" she assured me.

She went on to get me my uniform; she had gotten me the right size and had had a nametag made after I accepted the job, I changed in the staff toilet. The uniform fit surprisingly well, it was tight in all the right places and the pants made my but look phenomenal. Lucy showed me around the shop; it was before opening time, so there were no customers. I was shown all the different machines and how they worked. I would have a training period where a superior of mine would supervise me. She would help me with making all the different beverages Starbucks offers. To start with I was quite overwhelmed with all the different recipes I had to learn, but every day I got better and by the middle of my training period, after a week, I was already getting into the swing of things.


	3. Chapter two

**Chapter two**

A week into my training period, on a Monday morning, I was standing at the cash register helping a customer. I took their order, they paid and I directed them to wait for their order to be made. The next customer stepped forward, I stopped mid thought. I couldn't believe my own eyes. There right in front of me stood the one, the only Daniel Howell. I was in shock, mildly speaking. Could this even be real? Was I dreaming? He was standing there expectantly, looking awkwardly down at the counter in between us. He was wearing black skinny jeans and a black T-shirt with a white circle on it which I remembered seeing in some of his videos. He was right when he said that he was tanner in reality, I normally go for paler guys, but Dan really fit his slightly bronze skin tone. Then again, Dan would probably insanely attractive whatever skin tone he had. His hair was perfectly swept across his forehead, he had just had a haircut. I don't know how exactly it was possible, but Dan was even more attractive in person.

I knew I was supposed to greet him in the traditional Starbucks way. I couldn't remember what I was supposed to say. My mind went completely blank. Behind me I heard my supervisor clear her throat and give a little calf. I snapped back to reality and remember I had a customer.

"Welcome to Starbucks, may I take your order?" I announced, my voice not sounding quite like my own.

"Yeah, I'll have a double cappuccino with extra foam" he replied, still looking down at the counter.

"May I take your name pleas?" I asked, I didn't want him to know that I already knew his name; in fact I knew almost everything there was to know about him. I had watched his YouTube videos for about three years now, and usually I openly admit what I will have to call my obsession.

He looked up at me with a small smirk, his lush lips curling slightly upward, our eyes meeting. "Dan" he replied, he gave a small, nervous chuckle which made me want to lean forward at that very moment and kiss him like he had never been kissed before. Instead I wrote "Dan" on a paper cup and told him the price of his order, he handed me some money. Our hands momentarily touching, I secretly vowed never to wash that hand ever again. I laid his change on the counter and directed him to please have a seat while he waited for his coffee to be made.

Carrying on taking orders and handing customers their change I kept an eye on Dan. He glanced up once obviously feeling someone looking at him. I hurriedly looked away, but held is gaze long enough to see his eyes twinkle slightly.

When Dan's name was called he got up, retrieved his coffee and headed for the door of the shop. He pushed open the door, exited and let the door swing shut behind him. He walked on the sidewalk following the outside of the shop. The wall was made up of windows and I followed him out of the corner of my eye. Before the wall of windows went over to brick I turned to watch him for those last few seconds before I would not be able to see him any longer. Just then he looked up, our eyes meeting for a split second, and then he disappeared behind the brick wall.

After helping a few more customers I asked my supervisor if she could take over for a second so I could go to the bathroom. She agreed and I walked to the staff toilet. Sitting down on the toilet I put my head in my hands, trying to process my thoughts. I knew I sounded like a total twelve year old fan girl, but Dan, the Dan, had just been one meter away from me, and I had touched him! Oh my goodness!


	4. Chapter three

**Chapter three**

I walked home after my shift listening to music, but not really listening. I was in a daze; actually I was surprised I was even able to remember the way back to my apartment. I stayed in this state until six o'clock when I remembered that I had to have something to eat. I hadn't eaten since my lunch break at twelve o'clock. Not really knowing what I wanted to eat, but suddenly noticing how hungry I was, I decided to make myself some pasta with tomato sauce and broccoli to go with it. My parents had given me the good habit of always having a vegetable to go with my dinner. Eating in front of the television I enjoyed my food and ate every last peace.

After the program I was watching came to an end I went over to my laptop. I opened Facebook and of course Tumblr. Noticing my friend Anna was logged on I decided to tell her what had happened. Anna was my best friend, we had met in high school and she was the person who had introduced me to YouTubers, mainly Dan. We had kept in touch after we left school; she had gone straight on to university after our last year of high school. She was still a big fan of Dan's and all the other British YouTubers we watched. I knew she would be exited to hear that I had actually seen Dan in person.

I told her everything, how Dan had said his name and chuckled, how our hands had touched and all the times our eyes had met. I made sure to not leave anything out from the story.

Her reply was "_OMG, did that really happen? I can't believe it! OMG you actually saw Dan in real life, that's so AMAZING! Askdjghfg_" as I had expected she was over the moon, just fueling my excitement. Replaying those minutes in my head again like I had done so many times that day I could remember every detail of his face, every move he made. I made a mental note never to forget a single detail of those few minutes.

Anna and I didn't finish talking before it was ten o'clock and she had to go to bed. She still lived in Norway and the time was eleven o'clock there, and she had do go to class the next morning. After checking my social networks one last time I decided to get ready for bed as well. I lay awake for quite a while that night thinking. It was kind of depressing to think that that had been one of the most exiting days of my entire life so far, but I tried not to care too much. I fell asleep thinking of Dan, not able to stop thinking about that last time our eyes met.


	5. Chapter four

**Chapter four**

I woke up the next morning and went to work as I had gotten used to doing now. I had almost perfected my morning routine. I had been able to squeeze all the things I had to do in the morning to get ready into exactly one hour. Since my work was only ten minutes away I didn't really have to get up that early. It was at least an improvement to the last year of school.

I was clearing a table when I looked up to see Dan pull open the door to the shop and walk over to the counter. I felt a smile spread across my face, unable to control my joy. There weren't a lot of other employees working, it was after the initial morning rush and the lunch rush wasn't for a few hours. My supervisor walked over, signaling for me to go help the new customer. She started clearing the table I had just left and I walked behind the counter and over to the cash register.

"Welcome to Starbucks, may I take your order?" I asked, this time remembering what to say.

He didn't look down at the counter this time, he looked straight at me "A double cappuccino with extra foam pleas" he answered dot displaying any particular expression. He was wearing black skinny jeans and another black T-shirt, this one with a white scull shape on it. Today he obviously hadn't straightened his hair, he displayed those extremely sexy dark chocolate colored waves.

"It was Dan right?" I asked, pretending I had just remembered from the day before.

"Yeah, good memory you've got there" he replied now letting that adorable smile of his spread across his face.

I pushed my hair behind my ear while biting my bottom lip. Stifling a giggle I said "Thanks", feeling my cheeks turn slightly red. I quickly pulled my hair back over my ear remembering that it looked better that way, I didn't really like my ears very much so I almost always covered them with my hair. I wrote "Dan" on a paper cup.

I told him the price of his coffee and he handed me some money. Again I marveled at the fact that our hands had once again touched. I made sure to hand him his change directly this time wanting to feel his skin against mine.

"Please take a seat while you're waiting for your order" I told him and he did.

I busied myself for a little while behind the counter, occasionally glancing up at Dan. He was looking absentmindedly around the shop. I walked out from behind the counter and started clearing tables again. After a few minutes Dan's name was called, he stood up, collected his coffee and pushed his way out the door. Again he walked along the sidewalk outside the shops wall of windows, and again as he was he was about to disappear behind the brick wall I looked up to watch him for those few second I had left before I would no longer be able to see him. This time however, I looked up to find him already looking back at me. He smiled slightly at me and then disappeared. I probably looked like a dear in headlights, was he actually smiling at me or was I just imagining it?

My supervisor came over to me. "That guy who was just in here, he was totally checking out your ass when you bent over to clear that table".

"Really?" I asked bewildered. Was Dan, the Dan, checking out my but? I couldn't imagine he would ever be interested in me.

"Definitely, and you guys had a real moment when you remembered his name earlier" she answered, she sounded like she meant it.

"Nah, I don't think so" I said modestly. No, Dan couldn't be interested in me, I wasn't anything special. He could have any girl he wanted, he would never settle for someone like me.

"You totally did, he's cute, don't you think he's cute?" she asked persistently.

Did I think he was cute?! Really? "Yeah, he is cute" I admitted. She had no idea.


	6. Chapter five

**Chapter five**

The next three days I was assigned shifts later in the day and I didn't see Dan. I had talked even more frequently with Anna this week than I had for a while. It was fun, having someone who understood me that well. She was after all the person who had gotten me obsessed with Dan to begin with. She kept insisting that I should do something about it, and that he was obviously interested in me, but even if he was I had only met him twice. I couldn't really even say that we had met; I had just seen him that was all. He didn't even know my name.

On that Friday I finally got a morning shift. I didn't really expect Dan to come in, even though I was hoping for it with all my might. I found myself checking the door of the shop when it got close to the time he had come in the other times. This time he came a little later than he had the other times. I was standing at the cash register and out of the corner of my eye I saw my supervisor wink at me from across the shop.

"Welcome to Starbucks, may I take your order?" I asked confidently, this time I was prepared.

"Hi, yeah I'll have a double cappuccino with extra foam please" he replied. Dan was wearing blue skinny jeans and jet another black T-shirt, this one plain black. He really did have a point when he said he needed to buy more colorful shirts. His hair was back to straight, but a little ruffled today, I could never decide if I liked his hair better straight or wavy.

I didn't ask his name this time, just wrote "Dan" on a paper cup.

He looked over the counter as I wrote "Well you seem to already know my name, but I don't know yours. What is your name?" he asked a little jokingly, but I could tell he was being serious. I couldn't believe that Dan actually wanted to know my name. I looked down and realized that my hair was covering my nametag.

I threw my hair behind my shoulder with a light flick of my hand and pointed to my nametag "It's Sarah" I replied a bit sheepishly. For some stupid reason I felt my cheeks turn slightly red. He gave a little smile as I flipped my hair, then looked down at the counter, was he also blushing?

Once again our hands met as he gave me the money for his coffee, this time we both lingered a bit longer as we touched. Did he really linger or was that just me imagining things? No, the same thing happened as I handed him back his change.

"Please take a seat while you're waiting for your order" I told him and he did as he was told.

Busying myself behind the counter I kept looking up at Dan occasionally, not wanting him to notice me looking at him. After a few minutes I looked up at him to see him looking back at me. Instead of looking away he held my gaze till I finally looked down.

After what seemed like a million years trying not to look up at him, Dan's name was called. He moved to pick up his coffee and walked out the door. Once again I couldn't help but follow him with my eyes while he walked outside the shop. Dan was looking down at the pavement, but right before the brick wall he suddenly looked up, obviously expecting to meet my gaze and flashed a brilliant smile. This time there was no way I could make myself believe he wasn't smiling at me. I think I stood there at that very spot frozen for about ten minutes or at least that's what it felt like. Then my supervisor came over and poked me on the shoulder, I turned around, she didn't say anything, just winked at me like she had when Dan walked in. I stuck my tongue out at her playfully.

I had gotten quite close with my supervisor, obviously since we had spent so much time together at work. Her name was Ally; she was three years older than me, a tall, blond beauty. Sometimes I felt bad standing next to her, but she was so modest about her beauty and never bragged. We talked later, after our shift, we were both a little sad that my training period was over. I hoped we would still be able to work together some times. Ally was the first person I could really consider a friend here in London. She had promised to bring me to some parties and introduce me to her friends. I had a feeling she was the type of popular person who knew everyone. We had already exchanged phone numbers and she told me to call her if I ever needed anything, I promised I would.


	7. Chapter six

**Chapter six**

For some reason I had managed to get Saturday as my day off. I had been doing some exploring of the city during the week after work. So, I was quite worn out and was looking forward to spending two whole days relaxing, the weekend was nothing special. I ended up watching some movies, from my massive collection, that I had of course seen a million times before. I refreshed tumblr about one million times. I talked to Anna, she was still super excited about my Dan situation, even more so when I told her about that Friday. I also texted with Ally, her life was much more interesting than mine though. While she was at parties socializing I was plumped down on my couch working on the permanent outline of my but witch had started to form on the cushion where I normally sat.

Lucy was such an accommodating manager; she had asked me when I preferred working so she could set me up for the most convenient shifts. Obviously I requested morning sifts since that's when Dan had been coming inn.

Monday morning was horrible; I still hadn't gotten quite used to getting up so early after sleeping late all summer. I hoped it would get better soon. When I got to work I was still a little groggy.

My spirits lightened when I saw Dan come in to the shop though. He was wearing black skinny jeans, but today he was actually wearing a light blue T-shirt. As always his fringe was impeccable, he was just as much of a perfectionist as I was. I was working the cash register.

He reached the front of the line of customers. "Hey, Sarah right?" he asked grinning, obviously pleased with himself. Oh my goodness Dan remembered my name. I quickly had to think of a good response.

"You don't have such a bad memory yourself" I replied playfully. "The usual?" I asked. I had spotted the obvious pattern of his order.

"So, you've probably started recognizing the orders of all your regulars then?" he smiled.

"Well, some customers are more memorable than others" I winked. I was so happy with my reply; it was so suggestive jet so subtle.

Dan looked down at his wallet to dig out money to pay, but I could clearly see that he was blushing. Looking up at me again he paid and I handed him his change, lightly brushing his fingers as I pulled my hand back.

"Uh, I'll just have a seat then" he stated, looking down again.

Unusually there were quite a few customers in the shop so I had enough to do. In fact I was so busy that I didn't even realize that Dan had left until I looked up and he was gone. I looked outside the shop, but he wasn't there either. Fiona, one of my colleagues who I had become a little friendly with told me later during our lunch break that Dan had walked out while I was helping another customer. She also said that he had looked at me while walking away from the shop, apparently he looked pretty disappointed. Could that be because I didn't look up at him? That was at least Fiona's theory.

On Tuesday morning I developed a bit of a calf. Lucy had told me when I started that if didn't feel well, at all, to just call in sick. That was better than infecting customers, and the shop had tons of replacements anyway. I decided against calling in sick that morning though, my calf was controllable enough. The calf lightened even more up when I got to work.

Dan was a little earlier today, there were very few customers and no one was standing by the cash register at the moment. I was clearing tables, I started toward the counter, but noticed that another colleague of mine was also moving inn. We reached opposite ends of the counter; the cash register was dead center. We stood there for a few seconds in a deathly serious staring competition. Finally I broke eye contact and rushed over to the cash register before my colleague could react. I reached the cash register and looked up at Dan who luckily hadn't noticed our little stair off competition. He had been looking down at his phone.

"Hello Dan" I said cheerfully, his presence bringing a smile to my face.

He looked up to find me smiling expectantly "Oh, hey" he replied looking back down at his phone.

"The usual then?" I asked.

"Fuck!" he exclaimed at his phone. He looked up at me, and I must have looked a little surprised because he went on "Oh, sorry about that, just some girl" he said rolling his eyes and looking exasperated. "But yeah, I'll have the usual" he said.

He paid, but only put the money on the counter so we didn't get to touch. I did the same with his change. So, there was another girl he was thinking about. He wasn't interested in me at all, just as I had expected. Oh well. No, not just oh well. I had let all of my friends build up my expectations, I hated when I did that. If I had just listened to myself and not read too much into Dan's gestures I wouldn't have gotten as disappointed that there was someone else.

Dan retrieved his order and left the shop without looking up at me once. I must have looked a bit like a sad puppy as I followed him with my eyes the whole time, till he disappeared behind the brick wall. All I wanted to do was run back to my flat, jump on my bed and just cry into my pillow for a while. The rest of the day I walked around the shop in a bit of a daze trying to concentrate on my work, but my thoughts kept drifting back to Dan and how little he had paid attention to me earlier.


	8. Chapter seven

**Chapter seven**

I woke up the next morning feeling awful. My calf from the day before had escalated the night before, now I felt nauseous and had a fever as well. I couldn't go to work like that so I decided to call in sick for the first time. I usually felt bad if I ever didn't go to school, but this time I really deserved to stay home. Adding to my not feeling well was the thoughts about Dan that kept circling in my head. Last night I had not wanted to do anything at all when I got home from work and ended up just having a small dinner and then going to bed at six o'clock.

The only thing that helps when you're feeling down about a guy is to vent. So, I decided to see if Anna had some time to talk. Luckily she only had one lecture that wasn't until much later. We talked for a long time; she tried to cheer me up by saying that it probably wasn't what I thought it was, the girl was probably just some friend of Dan's. The best tactical move of hers was probably the "it's his loss, and you're better off without him". She was right, and he had said that he didn't have time for a girlfriend now anyway.

Therefor I walked inn to the shop with my head held high the next day. That was of course till I saw Dan walk inn. I didn't want to deal with seeing him, but I had to. The customer in front of him in the queue moved away and he walked up to the cash register with a brilliant smile, but seemed a little confused when I didn't mirror his joy.

"Hey" I said flatly.

"Hey Sarah" he replied, his smile fading a little bit. The way he said my name was so beautiful, but I couldn't let myself fall into his trap again.

"So, the usual then?" I asked looking down at the counter.

"Yeah, you know I missed you yesterday" he answered. Wow, Dan missed me. No, I didn't want to let myself feel excited about that, but I couldn't help but smile a little to myself.

"Oh?" I asked looking up at him a little playfully. His smile had now come back and he was looking very pleased with himself for some reason.

"Yeah, I actually had to tell the person working the cash register my order" this made me give out a small giggle.

"Oh, I'm so sorry you had to go through that, it must have been such a traumatic experience for you. I mean, not getting any special treatment at all. What a disgrace, I will see to it that this person will be fired immediately" I retorted sarcastically. This time it was his turn to laugh. Dan had such an attractive laugh, I couldn't help but let out the big smile I had been trying to hold inn. Maybe Dan wasn't as uninterested as I thought.

"I'm glad your back though, where were you anyway?" he asked curiously.

"I had to stay home, I wasn't feeling well"

"And you just expected that to be a good enough excuse to leave me here to fend for myself?" he asked faking disappointment, he pouted.

"You know I would never do something like that to you unless I was on my death bed" I replied also faking disappointment. I failed and my pout came out more like a twisted half smile, at this he let out another adorable laugh.

He then got a very serious look "On your death bed?" he gasped bringing a hand to his mouth "Oh my god, how did you get well so soon?" he asked looking shocked.

"Can I tell you a secret?" asked looking serious as well.

He nodded in reply.

I leaned over the counter and he also leaned toward me "I'm actually a magician, shh" I whispered into his ear. This made him erupt in what sounded like a great howl of laughter. Then we stood just smiling at each other for a little while. A thought popped up in my mind, were we flirting?

Form behind Dan I heard someone tut and noticed that there had formed quite a long line behind him. It kind of ruined the moment, but it made me snap back into reality.

"I think we're upsetting some of the other customers by holding up the line" I stated still grinning stupidly.

"Yes I think I am distracting you from doing your job" he agreed then walked away to take a seat.

At that moment I was struck by what I can only describe as the most brilliant idea I have ever had. I knew from experience exactly where the brown slip to prevent you from burning yourself on the hot coffee was placed. I also knew that the girl working the coffee machine would never notice. I made a split-second decision and decided to chance it. Where I knew the brown slip would be placed I wrote in very small writing "My number: 39582232 P.S. I don't get off work till 2 pm, Sarah".

I helped the customers in the queue glancing up at Dan every once and a while. More than once I found him looking back at me. When I did I would give a small smile, look away and go back to concentrating on my work.

Dan's name was called and he left the shop. Outside on the pavement he smiled gave me a little salute before disappearing out of sight. All I could do was smile back.

Ally was working the same shift as me that day and during our lunch break I told her about the little message I had left on Dan's cup. She literally squealed with delight when I told her, not very surprising that. I followed the cup in my mind; I imagined seeing Dan finding the message. If he did find it would he be happy? Or would he just be confused?


	9. Chapter eight

**Chapter eight**

I walked home after work, got home and sat down on the couch to watch TV. I wasn't really paying attention to the television though. My phone lay in front of me on my coffee table. Not that I expected him to call, I just wanted to be sure I was ready if he did.

About an hour later I heard my ringtone, I picked up my phone and saw that it was an unfamiliar number. Could this be Dan?

"Hello" I answered the phone, I never answered with my name, I expected people who called me to know who they were calling.

"Hey, is this Sarah?" I heard, the voice was British, it sounded like Dan, but I couldn't be sure.

"Yes, who am I talking to?" I asked crossing my fingers.

"It's Dan, from Starbucks. You wrote your number on a paper cup" he answered playfully.

"Yeah, I wasn't sure if you would see it, good spotting" I complimented him.

"It was actually pretty lucky, because I was about to throw it out when my friend Phil noticed your writing" he admitted "thanks for that by the way" he added.

"For what?" I asked confused.

"For giving him something to tease me about for the rest of the week" he answered.

"Well it's a good thing that it's already Thursday, then you don't have that many days left" I retorted teasingly.

"Anyway I was calling to let you know that I saw your message and I was wondering if you maybe wanted to hang out some time or something?" he asked. Oh my goodness, Dan Howell was actually asking if I wanted to hang out with him.

"Not to sound too eager or anything, but what about we hang out at Starbucks tomorrow when you normally come in?" I asked trying not to sound too eager or excited, which of course I was.

"Won't you have to work then?" he asked sounding a bit confused.

"I can take a later shift" I suggested.

"Ok, sure. You seem like a really nice person I would love to get to know you better, I have a feeling we could be good friends" he said. So that's what he was thinking of, just friendship, nothing more than that. Well, I would rather know Dan and just be friends with hi then not know him at all and be hopelessly in love with him from afar like I was now.

"Ok, I'll see you tomorrow then?" I asked, trying not to sound disappointed.

"Yupp, bye then"

"Bye"

I jumped up and did my little dance of joy after I had hung up. Then I reminded myself that Dan was just looking for friendship and not to get too excited. That was pretty hard though. I told Anna later that night and she almost couldn't control her excitement. It was fun to be the person with the interesting life for once.

**Dan's POV:**

I had been debating whether or not to call Sarah all day, or at least ever since Phil noticed her little message. That message was the cutes way I had ever been approached by a girl, not that I had been approached by a whole lot of girls. I had been thinking of her all week actually. We had had an instant connection; I had noticed her right away that first time we met. She was so beautiful, but I had a feeling she didn't quite realize that herself, which actually made her even more beautiful. Phil was finally able to talk me into actually calling her.

I picked up my phone and dialed her number, I had kept the cup.

After two rings someone picked up "Hello" I heard a female voice. She didn't say her name though.

"Hey, is this Sarah?" I asked crossing my fingers.

"Yes, who am I talking to?" she asked, few, it was her.

"It's Dan, from Starbucks. You wrote your number on paper cup" I answered playfully. I expected her to remember, but you never know.

"Yeah, I wasn't sure if you would see it, good spotting" she complimented me.

"It was actually pretty lucky, because I was about to throw it out when my friend Phil notices your writing" I admitted "thanks for that by the way" I added.

"For what?" she asked confused, she sounded so cute when she was confused.

"For giving him something to teases me about for the rest of the week" I answered. He had actually promised to tease me about it for the rest of the month.

"Well it's a good thing that it's already Thursday, then you don't have that many days left" she retorted teasingly. She had a point.

"Anyway I was calling to let you know that I saw your message and I was wondering if you maybe wanted to hang out some time or something?" I asked. It had taken so long to build up the courage to say that, and now I hated the way it came out.

"Not to sound too eager or anything, but what about we hang out at Starbucks tomorrow when you normally come in?" she asked. She seemed like she was trying to hide her excitement, so cute. What she didn't know was that I was just as excited as she was.

"Won't you be working then?" I asked confused.

"I can take a later shift" she suggested.

"Ok, sure" I felt like I had to say something "You seem like a really nice person, I would love to get to know you better, I have a feeling we could be good friends" I said. Shit, that came out all wrong, now she was going to think that I just wanted to be friends. Well, that was probably what she was thinking about anyway, I didn't think a girl like her would ever go for a guy like me.

"Ok, I'll see you tomorrow then?" she asked. Was that a hint of disappointment in her voice?

"Yupp, bye then" fuck you Dan!

"Bye" she said sweetly, then hung up.

I stood in the same spot for a little while, just thinking. Partly I wanted to jump up and down with joy, I was actually going to hang out with Sarah, and she had sounded excited as well. Partly though, I wanted to kill myself. That was like the worst thing I could have said "I have a feeling we could be good friends", what? Stupid, fucking idiot!


	10. Chapter nine

**Chapter nine**

On the Friday I woke up at the time I had now started waking up for work. Then I remembered that I had moved my shift and wasn't meeting Dan till later. So, I tried falling back to sleep, but I was too awake. It's so annoying that when you have to get up you're always so tired, but when you don't have to wake up you're wide awake.

After trying to fall back to sleep for about fifteen minutes I decided to just get up. It wasn't very productive to just lie there trying to sleep. I would need a little extra time to get ready for the day's activities than usual.

Usually I put on some jeans and a sweatshirt, as I was just going to change at work anyway, put my hair in a bun or just leave it as it was and put on a bit of concealer and mascara. Today I rummaged through my closet for twenty minutes trying to find out what to wear. I decided on a cute summery dress with flowers paired with a pair of grey tights. I wasn't really the type of person who normally wore tights, but it was a little chilly outside and tights seemed to be in fashion in England. I put some product in my hair to stop it from frizzing so much, other than that I just left it alone. I didn't really spice up my makeup much; I didn't like wearing too much. Just some concealer, some powder to even out my skin tone, a tiny bit more mascara than usual and I decided to add a little eyeliner to top off the look.

Looking myself over in my full body mirror I was pretty pleased with the look. I was never completely happy with my body; I had always struggled with my self-esteem. Yeah, Dan had said he wanted to be friends, but I wanted to impress him anyway, and you never know. Friendships can always develop into something more.

I ate breakfast and refreshed Tumblr until I decided to leave and headed for the shop. I walked inn, but Dan hadn't come yet. I said hello to some of my colleagues then went to the back of the shop and sat down at a corner table.

I ordered a Frappuccino and brought it back to my table, just then Dan walked inn. He went to the counter and ordered his usual. He walked over to the table where I was sitting and took a seat across from me.

"Hey" he exclaimed flashing me a brilliant smile.

"Hey" I replied "Oh my goodness I never thought about how awkward this would be" I continued, I could already tell that this was going to get awkward.

"Why would you say something like that?"

"Because it always lightens the mood, when someone admits that it's going to be awkward it never ends up being as awkward as they had thought" I explained " and that is scientifically proven" I added.

As I had predicted the conversation flowed quite freely after that. We talked about things like work, obviously he knew I worked at Starbucks, he said he worked at the BBC and left it at that. I wanted to blurt out that that wasn't all he did, but was able to resist. We talked about music, I of course knew that he liked all types of music, but I listened and pretended that this was the first time I had heard this, I told him about my taste in music, which is also quite spread out. Somehow we ended up talking about family as well, not sure how that happened. He was really interested in hearing about Norway as well which is what we ended up talking about most of the time.

After about one and a half hour Dan got up and said "Actually I have to get going now, I have some work to do".

"Oh, would you mind if I walked with you?" I asked.

"Sure, but I'm probably not going the same direction as you, how will you get home?" he asked, he was so considerate.

"I'll find a way back, I have to get used to finding my way around London, now that I'm living here" I assured him.

"Ok, I trust you, but don't blame me if you get horribly lost and end up as a homeless person at one of the tube stations begging for help to understand the tube system" he joked.

"I promise" I agreed as we walked out of the shop and headed down the street. The conversation floated back to the topic of Norway. He was so interested and I had so much to tell, and I promised that I would explain the Norwegian school system some other time, because that was too complicated and I would probably need a pen and paper. We walked, talked and laughed side by side; my shoulder sometimes touching his arm. He was so tall, staggering above me like a statue of a roman god. After walking for about fifteen minutes Dan stopped in front of an apartment building.

"Well, this is me" he stated.

"I guess this is goodbye then" I said.

"We should do this again, do you possibly have some time tomorrow?" he asked hopefully.

"Actually tomorrow is my day off so I have all the time in the world" I answered delighted that he asked "Should we meet at the shop again?" I asked.

"Sure, well, see you tomorrow then" he said. He gave me a long hug, he was a great hugger, then got out his key and entered the building.

As the door closed behind him I called out "Bye!"


	11. Chapter ten

**Chapter ten**

It was unfamiliar to have a later shift, but it worked. I got home a while later, but I had more free time before my shift started. Either way I liked having an earlier shift because then I had to get up earlier and if I got up to late I always felt like I had wasted half my day.

I got to the shop and started cleaning tables when I looked up to a familiar face. My ex-boyfriend (note, only ex-boyfriend), Benjamin, was standing right in front of me staring at me expectantly.

At first I was quite stunned to say the least, but I quickly gathered my senses and greeted him with a friendly "Hello"

"Hi"

Then there was an awkward silence before I broke it off by asking "What are you doing here?" not in a rude way, but not in the nicest way possible either.

"Well, were on tour in England, so I'm in London for a couple of weeks. I was actually thinking of calling you to ask if we could meet up or something, but then I saw you in here" he explained. As if meeting him in London was the most casual thing ever.

Benjamin was in a band, he was a guitarist, which was part of the reason why I liked him in the first place. We had dated for a year in my final year of Norwegian high school. As I mentioned earlier he was also my only ever boyfriend. We had quite a special relationship, since it was my first, but he broke up with me after we finished our final exams. He actually broke up with me the night after I gave up my virginity to him. After that we hadn't spoken and he never really gave me a good reason for why he broke up with me except for "I feel like we've just grown apart". The breakup was obviously quite devastating for me, him being my first boyfriend and first everything else, and we hadn't spoken since.

Now he was showing up completely unexpected in London, of all places. I had moved here partly to escape my past and get a new start, and now it was coming back to haunt me. What did he think he would accomplish by contacting me again?

I tried to hide my confusion in seeing him again, trying to carry the conversation normally. He talked about the tour and I about my job. We didn't talk for long though, he had to get going and I wasn't too sad to see him go.

I went home that evening still a bit confused about the way the day had panned out. In the evening I had a quick chat with Anna, I hope no one was around on her side of the phone when we talked because I think she literally jumped for joy. Of course she called my meeting with Dan a date, but I didn't think that's what Dan though it was, I also texted with Ally about it. She pretty much agreed with Anna, but it wasn't a date. I wished it had been, but both parties have to agree for it to be a date. I decided not to mention my meeting Benjamin to either of them; I had to clear my thoughts first. I was so confused about the meeting that I didn't even know what I felt about it.

Anyway, I woke up the next morning feeling strangely rejuvenated; I love that type of mornings. I had completely forgotten about meeting Benjamin the day before. I ate breakfast while watching TV and almost forgot what I was doing that day, luckily though, I didn't remember too late. So I had quite a bit of time.

Today's outfit consisted of black skinny jeans, a white tank top and a purple, light, long sleeved cardigan tied with a brown belt. People usually place belts right below their boobs, but my skinniest point is somewhere right in between my boobs and my waste, so that's where I place belts. Like the previous day I kept my makeup simple. With my hair I did basically the same as the day before, but pinned my side bangs back. I used to not like my curls, because obviously I wanted straight hair, and I used to try straightening it and failed, but a few years ago I had decided to embrace it.

Since I had so much time I decided to leave my apartment early and take a detour on my way to the shop. Sometimes it was nice to simply walk around while listening to some music; I turned up my favorite band and did just that.

When I walked into the shop I went up to the counter and ordered a cinnamon roll, I turned to find Dan already sitting at the table form the day before. I sat down across from him and starting eating, I'm not like those girls who don't like eating in front of others, especially boys.

"Hey" I said.

"Hey" Dan replied. He was wearing jeans and a rust colored sweatshirt. It was the middle of September which is why we were both wearing pants and long sleeves. Because in the UK, like in Norway the weather started getting chilly again the exact moment summer started fading.

I went on to get out a pad of paper and a pencil from my bag.

"What is this?" he asked.

"Well, I promised that I would explain the Norwegian school system sometime when I had pen and paper, and I expect you have a bit of time since its Saturday" I answered.

"But that's not a pen" he retorted sarcastically.

"Shut up" I said sticking my tongue out at him.

I explained everything worth explaining about the Norwegian school system, mostly about the high school as that was the hardest to understand for anyone from outside of Norway. Dan did a pretty good job of following, but he got a bit confused during the last part. Somehow the subject then changed to hobbies and I told him all about my riding and I "found out" that he plaid piano, just like I did. He also told me about his videogame addiction. I never really was much of a gamer, but I had plaid some good Mario cart in my day, and we agreed we would have to play videogames together some time.

Then, rinsing his throat he said "There's something I have to show you, it's actually quite a big part of my life" he bent down below the table and retrieved a laptop from his bag.

He moved to sit beside me, opened the computer, opened the internet and typed inn YouTube.

"Actually Dan, there is something I have to show you first" I said taking the laptop and placing it in front of me. I typed my account into the search box and went in on it. I placed the laptop in front of Dan again, told him that this was my account and to go inn on the liked videos.

He did and it came up multiple Danisnotonfire videos, sprinkled with some videos by Amazingphil, Crabstickz and various other YouTubers I watched, mostly British.

"I already know" I confessed.


	12. Chapter eleven

**Chapter eleven**

"How long have you known?" he asked, he sounded confused.

"About three years" I answered, also confused.

"Well that's a relief" he admitted, I gave him a questioning look, "I thought you just found me like last night and were like what's this weirdo doing?" he explained.

"No, you definitely don't have to worry about that, I've been a hardcore Danosaur for three years now, you know that you were the first YouTuber I ever watched. I mean I had seen YouTube videos, but you were the first one I really watched" I agreed.

"Wow, well that's a real compliment. But that kind of means that everything I've told you about myself you already knew. Why didn't you say anything before now?" he asked.

I gave him a you-know-exactly-why-I-didn't-say-anything-before- now look "I saw PJ answering a question on Vyou about how he became friends with you and Phil, and he said he just treated you like normal people. I mean, I knew I wouldn't have a problem doing that, but obviously I was afraid that you wouldn't want to be friends with me if you knew I was a fan of yours" I explained.

"Well, I get how that might be a little intimidating, but mean if I liked you enough to become friends with you before I knew you were my fan then I would like you enough to become friends with you even if I knew you were my fan. If that made any sense at all?"

"Actually I know exactly what you mean, but it's intimidating anyway" I said, he nodded in agreement.

"So, then you know basically everything worth knowing about me, you did say hardcore Danosaur" he teased.

"Well, I have seen every video you have ever been in, but I wouldn't say that I know everything about you. You don't reveal everything to your fans and I'm not really a stalker" I replied.

"That's definitely nice to know. So, you're not going to go off tweeting everything I tell you?" he asked.

"I actually don't have twitter, I don't see the point" he looked shocked "I saw this comedian mocking twitter and he said that he didn't understand how twitter worked so he just brought a megaphone around with him and announced what he was doing at random times" I explained.

Dan laughed out loud "Well' that's the best way of mocking twitter I've ever heard, that's for sure" he laughed again. "You know now everything makes more sense, I was wondering how you were able to remember my name so fast" he recalled.

"Yeah, the first time you came in to the shop, do you remember that long silence? That was me trying to fight the urge to scream oh my goodness your Danisnotonfire" I explained.

"Yeah, I noticed something then, but then you asked for my name so I didn't think about it anymore" he admitted. "I know that anyone could potentially be a fan of mine, but I try not to expect people to know who I am. Then I would sound like some sort of a dickhead who thinks he's more famous than he is, and anyway I don't want to get a bad impression of people just because their fans"

"I think that's a really good way of looking at it. You know your fans don't give you enough credit for how hard you try"

"Thanks" he said "it means a lot"

Not being able to resist I leaned over and hugged him.

We switched the subject back to hobbies, he told me about how stressful it really was to have to make videos every week and now also do his radio show. I was so glad that I could watch the show live now because I lived in the UK; it had been so annoying to just be able to listen before I moved. We talked about family and friends, something which Dan hardly ever shared with his other fans. I told him about Anna and how she was extremely excited that I now knew him.

"I should probably get back home soon, as a dedicated Danosaur you probably already know that I haven't uploaded a new video yet" he said.

"No, I know, you know sometimes I feel so bad for you. Every time you upload a video late, which is basically every week, the whole phandome creates this huge shitstorm. As a fellow perfectionist I know how hard it can be, I wouldn't want to upload a video until I was completely satisfied with it either" I comforted him.

"You have no idea, I mean, you would expect that they would be used to me uploading late, but oh no" he agreed.

"I mean we always get a video in the end anyway, why does it matter if it's not on the dot?" I asked.

"I completely agree, you're the type of fan I like the most. Do you want to walk with me home today as well?" he asked making me smile giddily.

"Sure, I like walking around and exploring the city, even though I must admit that my favorite place in the world is on my bed with my laptop on my lap"

"You're my type of girl then" he said slightly bumping into me as we exited the shop making me giggle.

"Your elbow is really at perfect boob height, not that I would call myself a particularly short female" I laughed.

"Oh, sorry, did I elbow you in the boob?" he asked worriedly.

"No, I just noticed. Is that really a common occurrence for you? To elbow women in the boob?"


	13. Chapter twelve

**Chapter twelve**

We walked and talked again, joking and laughing, I really enjoyed talking to Dan. There was something about his voice that was just so comfortable and his laugh was just so cautious. Even though I felt him getting a little awkward sometimes it felt like he was scared of talking to me like he admitted that he was with girls sometimes.

"You always say how your such an awkward and shy person, but I don't know how anyone could ever believe that" I admitted to him.

Smirking he confessed "Well, I'm not shy of talking to people I know. And for some reason I feel like I know you really well, even though we've only just met". I looked down hiding my face in my hands, that's exactly how I felt too.

"Hey, what's wrong?" he asked carefully removing my hands from my face. "Oh, you're blushing" he grinned teasing me.

"Hey, any girl would, I mean you are Danisnotonfire" I retorted. I knew we were just friends and all that, but I couldn't help myself, he was so hot.

He changed the subject and didn't mention it again, but sometimes I felt him looking over at me, and I wondered what he was thinking about when he did. We walked for a while longer before we finally reached the apartment building he obviously lived in. I could imagine how many other Danosaurs would kill to know where Dan lived.

"You know, I just got a really good idea. There are about a million other Danosaurs that would pay good money for this address" I said mischievously and started pretend running off.

"I can't let you do that" he shouted after me as he started running after me. Dan caught up with me a little down the road and threw his arms around me from behind. I started laughing uncontrollably as I struggled to get free from his grip. He was holding on to me too tightly though, so I gave up and turned to face him. I hadn't really planed that move and ended up facing him staring up at those gorgeous brown eyes of his. I bent my head and continued laughing into his chest until I had run out. He was still holding around me. As I stopped laughing I looked up at his smiling face, feeling awkward and not knowing what else to do I flung my arms around his neck and hugged him. Dan's grip tightened around my waste.

I went up on my toes so I could whisper in his ear "You know I'd never do anything like that to you right?"

"I know, but I thought you might want me to chase you" he whispered back, I could feel his breath on my neck. It sent chills down my spine.

I pulled away, "Why would you think something like that?" I asked jokingly punching him lightly in the chest "Come on now, you have to get back to editing that video of yours or the crazy internet mob will hunt you down. And I wouldn't really want to see you burned" I teased as I reached behind my back and removed his hands from around my waste and lead him back to his apartment building.

"I guess this is goodbye then" he said as we reached the door.

"I guess so" I replied hugging him again. As I was about to pull away he pulled me inn again very close this time. I felt him breathe out heavily; I lingered for a second then unwillingly broke free from his grip and started walking away.

I looked back seeing his eyes following me. Instead of blushing I gave him a knowing look, stopped up for a second, shouted "Stop checking out my ass boy" looking over my shoulder, placing my hands on my hips and shaking my butt, then kept on walking. I didn't look back, that would have ruined the effect.


	14. Chapter thirteen

**Chapter thirteen**

Dan and I texted all weekend. On Saturday evening I had a three hour long Skype conversation with Anna as well. I told her more about the previous day since we hadn't had much time the night before and of course about that day's meeting with Dan. She asked tons of questions and I told her how I had confessed to being a fan of his. Thinking back it felt like a weight being lifted off my shoulders, now I no longer had to hide that side of me.

"So, did you by any chance also tell him about your ginormous crush on him?"

"No, of course I didn't he said he wanted to be friends, friends don't have ginormous crushes on each other" I retorted.

"But all the signs are there, if I had been there in person I could have been more certain, but I can almost guarantee you that he likes you too" she tried to convince me.

"That's probably just the way I'm telling the story, I'm sure if you heard it from him it would be different, because deep down I know I want him to like me and I want to read the signs that way" I admitted.

"You're just saying that because you're scared, you're scared of opening up, letting someone inn and you're scared that it won't work out. You've been hurt before and I know that, but you shouldn't be scared, he likes you, he is just too shy to tell you, just like you are too shy to tell him" she reassured me "Go for it, or you'll regret it forever if you don't, trust me"

She would be the one to know, she had had a giant crush on this guy who had been our friend forever. In the end she decided to tell him and they ended up getting together and had now had their two year anniversary last month. I resisted the temptation to tell her about my meeting Benjamin, jet again. I couldn't manage talking about that now, it would only bring up old hurt and insecurities.

Anna's words echoed in my head throughout the night every time I got a text from Dan "Go for it". I couldn't just go for it; I had only known Dan for a few days, even though I had known who he was for years.

On Monday morning I got a text from Dan "_Hey, want to go out for pizza tonight with me and Phil?_" I replied "_Sorry, it's my sister's birthday today, and were doing this whole long Skype conversation this evening. But I'm free tomorrow if that works for you guys?_" I waited for a reply while I washed my face and put on makeup. Finally it came "_Sure, if you send me your address we'll pick you up at six, sound good?_" I answered "_Sounds amazing, and tell Phil that I can't wait to meet him!_" then I texted my address.

At work Dan obviously came in, like he always did. It was a little awkward, I didn't know how to treat him as a customer now that I knew him personally, but it worked out fine. We chatted, but kept it short so as not to annoy any of the other customers. We kept eye contact the whole time, and when I asked him if he wanted his usual he winked at me and I raised one eyebrow smirking. Without me noticing Dan's name was called and he walked out of the shop. When I looked up and saw that he wasn't sitting down waiting any more I looked around confused. He was standing outside, right next to the brick wall; it looked like he was waiting for me to see him. When our eyes met he flashed a brilliant smile and then disappeared.

About twenty minutes later another familiar face walked in to the shop. Benjamin lined up in the back of the queue. When he approached the counter I greeted him flatly.

"Welcome to Starbucks, may I take your order"

"Yeah, I'll have an espresso macchiato and one of those blueberry muffins please"

I told him the price and got out a blueberry muffin from the glass display. Handing me some money he asked jokingly "Don't you need to ask my name, so you can write it on the cup?"

"I think I've known you long enough not to have to ask your name" I shot back sarcastically.

"Just making sure you remembered"

Benjamin took a seat, waiting for his coffee, never taking his eyes off me. When his name was called he got up, gathered his coffee and marched out of the shop with his head held high. He looked back as he crossed the street, but I didn't return his smile and quickly looked away.


	15. Chapter fourteen

**Chapter fourteen**

That evening I had a long conversation alone with my sister, Lisa. I hadn't seen or talked to her for a while except for small hellos and goodnights over Facebook chat. It was nice to talk to her again, I missed my sister very much, she was turning 17. We had always gotten along very well, and I had introduced her to the YouTubers that I watched a year ago. Lisa hadn't gotten quite as into it as I had, but she definitely knew who Dan was and I told her about how I had met him. She knew how much he meant to me, she was exited for me, but was still down to earth about it, exactly the reaction I had hoped for from her.

After we finished talking she brought her laptop into the family room so the whole family could be together. It was nice to see them all again, my mom, dad, and my two younger brothers who are the most annoying twins ever. We ate dinner "together", they put the laptop at the end of the table and I ate my dinner in front of my laptop on the other end. Then Lisa opened her presents, I had sent mine a week ago to make sure it got there in time. She loved my present; it was a whole outfit from lots of different small boutiques in London. My mom promised that she would be allowed to come and visit me in not too long. After that we sang the birthday song, but I left before they started eating the cake because I knew I wouldn't be able to watch that.

The next day at work Ally was working the same shift as I was, yay. We didn't have time to catch up completely before our shift, so when Dan came over to me and said "See you tonight" before leaving she gave me a nudge and said "We have to talk". During our lunch break I told her everything about Dan and I. She listened intently the whole time and was almost speechless by the end. The reason she didn't know anything was because her phone had been destroyed on Friday evening in the middle of me telling her about my first meeting with Dan. I explained how I knew who he was from before because he was a famous YouTuber and I was a huge fan. For some reason I hadn't shared this with her yet, but since I had admitted it to Dan it felt right to inform her of the situation as well.

She also said that one of our colleagues, Leah, had mentioned to her something about a guy that had come in, someone I knew. I knew automatically that they had registered my small conversation with Benjamin.

"She said he was cute. So what? Now you suddenly know all the cute guys who come in?" she questioned me.

"That was actually my ex, from Norway"

"Thanks for letting me know" she sounded a bit hurt, but she would survive.

"Sorry, I didn't think it was that important"

"Anyway, what's he doing in London?"

"He's in a band, their on tour, so he's in London for a few weeks"

"Does he want to get back together with you or something?" she asked animatedly.

"I doubt it. He probably just wants to rub in my face how well his life is going. In any case, I definitely don't want to get back together with him" I continued "And now with this whole Dan thing" I trailed off "Can we just forget about it, I really don't want to talk about him"

She agreed not to mention him again. I think she deduced that she had hit a nerve and changed the focus back to Dan. By the time we went back to work I had pushed the thought of Benjamin completely out of my mind.

The rest of our shift Ally kept sending me looks, like she was trying to figure something out. I guess she was just impressed that I was able to meet my celebrity crush and keep my head cool. The only thing I was really able to focus on my whole shift was thinking about that evening, I was going out for dinner with Dan and Phil! I had never been so excited about something in my whole entire life.


	16. Chapter fifteen

**Chapter fifteen**

At ten to six o'clock my doorbell rang, I pressed the button to allow me to talk. I head a familiar voice; it was Dan asking "Hey, it's Dan and Phil, you ready to go?" "Almost, you guys can just come up and then I'll be ready in a second" I answered buzzing them inn. A minute later my actual doorbell rang and I opened the door to find Dan and Phil standing in the hallway.

"Come inn" I said. They both squeezed into my tiny entrance hall. I told them to hang their jackets on a hanger and lead them into the living room.

Dan decided that that was the appropriate time to hug me, obviously since the hall had been too tight. I then moved on to Phil who was happy to hug me.

"You know what, people are right, you are the best hugger I have ever met" I complimented Phil.

"I'm a hugger" he agreed.

"Hey, what about me?" Dan exclaimed.

I walked over and hugged him again. Looking up at him I teased "Eh, I don't know, I don't think you really have _it_" he looked offended and pushed me away. Then he suddenly pulled me back inn and I could feel his arms wrap around my waist, for some reason I felt like that hug wasn't supposed to be just a friendly hug.

"What about now?" he asked hopefully.

"I don't know, you're getting better, but Phil's just naturally an amazing hugger I guess" I pried arms from around me "You guys can just have seat, watch some TV if you want and I'll go finish getting ready" I said walking toward my bedroom.

After about ten minutes I had finished getting ready, I was already halfway there when the boys arrived. I had put together a cute little outfit I was quite proud of. It consisted of a baggy T-shirt with rust colored flowers tucked into and partly hanging out over a normally knee-length turquoise skirt, which was tight at the top, but became more flowey further down, held up by a little black belt at my skinniest point. I wore my normal makeup with a little black eye shadow and an extra layer of mascara. I had taken a bit of hair from both sides of my face and clipped it back with a big clip, but let my side bangs hang down in front. I tossed my phone, mp3-player, wallet and keys into a little red purse with a gold strap.

I walked into my living room to find the boys sat on the couch talking, but they abruptly stopped when they heard me come inn. They both looked up at me.

"Wow, you look good!" Dan exclaimed.

"I don't know, I feel a little overdressed" I admitted.

"No, you look perfect" Phil chimed inn.

We left my apartment and headed down the street. I walked in between the boys.

"I feel so short" I exclaimed, I was wearing pumps and they both still staggered above me, or at least that's what it felt like, even though Phil was just about 5 cm taller than me in those shoes.

"I know, you're so short" Dan teased.

Phil hugged me from the side "Your just the right size" he said, Phil was so sweet. He was really the definition of innocence; I couldn't believe that he was 25 years old.

The restaurant wasn't too far away and we reached it after about fifteen minutes of walking. It was a quaint little Italian restaurant with checkered tablecloths and candles on every table. The host, who looked very Italian, showed us to a table by the window. We sat down, looked through our menus and decided to order a large pizza that we could all share. The pizza arrived and the conversation flowed lightly. It was surprisingly easy to talk to Dan and Phil. Dan had obviously told Phil that I was a fan of theirs because he asked me how long I had been watching them.

When there was only one piece left Dan looked up at me "Do you want the last piece?" he asked.

"No, you can have it, I'm full" I replied.

"But you only had like two slices" he continued.

"Actually, I had three, but the one was really small" I countered.

"Dan, she's a girl, they don't eat that much" Phil came to my rescue.

"Thank you Phil" I appreciated his understanding.

Reluctantly Dan picked up the last piece and ate it glaring at me. When he finished Phil called the waiter over and asked for the bill. When Phil had paid for the meal we exited the restaurant and gathered in a little huddle outside.

"I'm really sorry about this, but I have to go home and work on some stuff, but Dan why can't you walk the lovely lady home, we don't you walking the streets alone this late at night" Phil suggested.

"Ok, I'll see you soon ok?" I said and we exchanged phone numbers.

Phil walked off toward their apartment and Dan and I turned in the opposite direction toward mine. As we started walking Dan noticed me shivering, stupidly I hadn't thought of bringing a jacket.

"Here, take my jacket" he placed his leather jacket on my shoulders and I wrapped it around myself. He put his arm around my shoulders, I could feel his body heat radiating off of him. We walked in a comfortable silence for a little while.

"I had fun tonight, Phil really is as nice as he seems in his videos" I started.

"Yeah, he is, he's an amazing friend, I mean there's a reason he's called AmazingPhil" he chuckled.

We talked about some of their other YouTube friends. I was interested to hear about Chris and PJ, and how they were actually just as nice as they seemed in their videos, not that I thought they wouldn't be. Dan promised to introduce me to some of his other YouTube friends some time.

After walking and talking for a while we reached my apartment building and we stopped outside.

"Hey, do you want to come in for a cup of tea or something?" I asked, partly expecting him to make up an excuse to have to go back home.

"Sure, why not?" he replied. So, we walked up the two flights of stair to my apartment. I unlocked the door and we entered into my little entrance hall. There were no lights on, but I knew very well where the light switch was.

We walked into the living room and I told him to just sit down while I made some tea. Dan insisted on coming with me to the kitchen so he could keep me company. He stood leaning up against the wall watching me bustle around the kitchen while keeping the conversation going.

He noticed that I only took out one teabag from the cupboard and commented "Aren't you going to have any tea?"

"I don't like tea, but I'll make some hot chocolate for myself instead" I replied.

"What? You don't like tea? How do you survive?" he asked shocked.

"I dink hot chocolate instead" I retorted.

"Your parents must have raised you wrong" he concluded.

"My parents raised me fine; I was the one who decided that I didn't like tea. My mom, my sister and both my brothers all like drinking tea, but I think it just tastes like a little bit bitter warm water" I said.

"So, it's your father that's the problem then" he deduced.

"Well he's Norwegian, so it's not weird he doesn't drink tea. I mean I don't know if he likes it or not, but I've never seen him drink it" I agreed.

"Have you never had the joy of drinking a really good cup of tea on a winter evening in front of a fireplace?" he asked concerned.

"No, there is only one single type of tea that I have ever tasted that I liked, because what I don't like about tea is the fact that it doesn't have enough taste. The one tea I like is a type of berry tea that doesn't come in a teabag, so I can take so much that it actually gets some taste" I admitted.

I had finished making the tea and my hot chocolate. I gave Dan his mug and lead him out into the living room and sat down on the couch, I waited for Dan to sit down next to me and then I snuggled up to him. I turned on the TV and he placed an arm around my shoulders. It felt so right and natural sitting there snuggling with Dan, like we were an old married couple who had done this many times before.


	17. Chapter sixteen

**Chapter sixteen**

Two hours later I looked over at the clock and noticed that it was 10.30pm. I sat up and stretched, that's when I noticed that Dan had fallen asleep. He looked so peaceful when he slept, I almost wanted to not wake him up and just lie down and fall asleep with him, but I knew he had to go home at some point.

I decided to wake him by throwing a pillow at his face. He stirred, but didn't wake up, so I threw one more, even harder. This time he sat up quickly and looked around confused.

"You fell asleep. You looked so peaceful, so I decided to wake you up by throwing a pillow at your face" I laughed.

He gave me an evil glare and then out of nowhere he threw himself on top of me and started tickling me. I laughed, not because I was ticklish, because I wasn't, but because of how hard he was trying. I was able to wrestle myself on top of him and started tickling him.

Through fits of laughter he managed to press out "That's unfair, you're not ticklish" I just stuck my tongue out at him "You started it".

He was eventually able to catch my hands and held them with a tight grip around my wrists. Then, without warning, he let go and I fell down onto his chest. He wrapped his arms around me so I couldn't escape, so I relaxed. His grip let up slightly; with his one hand he pushed my hair out of my face. I caught his hand as he was about to put it back around me and held it in my hands. His fingers intertwined with mine and I pressed his hand against my chest.

"Are your hands always this cold" he asked curiously.

"Yeah, they always are. That's one of the reasons why I'm convinced that I'm a vampire. Cold, pale skin, vampire teeth and I like the taste of blood" I admitted.

"But I've never seen you glitter in the sunlight" he taunted.

"Well, Edward only glitters when he takes his shirt off" I retorted.

"Your right" he agreed. Then he did something rather unexpected. He reached for the bottom of my shirt, which I had untucked from my skirt earlier to be more comfortable.

"What are you doing? There's no sunlight now" I said teasingly.

He stopped abruptly "Your right" he admitted. I giggled.

"I didn't think you were the type of guy who moved that fast. I mean I've only known you what? Two weeks? And I thought we were just friends" I reminded him accusingly.

"I know, I just . . ." he trailed off. Was Dan trying to tell me that he liked me as more than a friend or was he just being a little busy-handed?

"Anyway" I broke the silence sitting up and climbing off him. He sat up as well; we were now at almost opposite ends of the couch. This was getting awkward, something I definitely didn't want. I was unsure of what Dan felt about me, but I didn't want to ruin our friendship in any case.

"I should probably get going, it's pretty late" Dan decided, I nodded in agreement and followed him to the door. He put on his jacket and started leaving, without even giving me a hug. I watched him walk down the hallway. Suddenly he turned and rushed back, engulfing me in a big bear hug. We held around each other for a long time just savoring the feeling.

He pulled away and asked "Do you by any chance want to come over and watch a movie with me and Phil on Friday?" I smiled and let out a sigh of relief.

"What?" he asked confused and slightly amused.

"I just thought it would get awkward between us"

"I would never let that happen" he grinned.

"Good, and yes, I would love to" I said. I leaned inn and hugged him again. We were back to normal. I was so happy; I thought my comment about us just being friends earlier had ruined everything. We let go and he started walking away again.

"Bye"

"Bye" I called after him. I watched him walking down the hallway again; I leaned against the doorframe and just watched his perfect movements.

He turned around slightly then squealed over his shoulder, imitating me "Stop checking out my ass girl" putting his hands on his hips and shaking his butt. I laughed loudly and closed my door, still laughing hard. Dan was so hilarious, even though he stole that from me.


	18. Chapter seventeen

**Chapter seventeen**

I was actually really tired when Dan left, so I decided to update Anna on my Dan situation the next evening. She was now completely sure that Dan liked me as more than a friend. She was almost able to convince me as well, but I couldn't be sure. This time she was completely serious when she told me to go for it. I was scared that he might not like me, but I decided, and promised Anna, that if an opportunity came up I would try to take it.

I saw Dan in the shop the rest of the week, I was so relieved that it wasn't awkward between us; we chatted and laughed together as usual. Ally had gotten a new phone; we were now texting all the time, not just about me and Dan though. We talked about lots of stuff and she invited me to a party she was going to on the next Friday. She wanted to introduce me to some of her friends and get me involved in the social circle of London. I wasn't the most social person, so she agreed to let me bring two friends so I would know someone besides her.

Looking forward to that Friday made time go surprisingly fast and before I knew it I was walking home from my last shift of the week. Dan had come in the shop that morning as usual; we agreed that I would go over to their apartment at six thirty that evening.

Since we were just going to watch a movie and hang out I decided to go for sweatpants, a tank top and a loose cardigan. I remembered me jacked this time though so I wouldn't freeze on my way home. I expected that it would be quite chilly by the time I left.

I arrived at Dan and Phil's apartment building and rang the doorbell.

"Hello?" Phil answered.

"It's me" was all I said.

"Come on up, we're on the second floor" he said and buzzed me inn.

Phil was waiting for me in the doorway and gave me a giant bear hug when I approached.

"Hey you" he said fondly. We had really hit it off the other night and we had already become really good friends, Phil was such a sweetheart. He stood aside to let me in to the apartment. I had seen it in videos and live shows before so I knew my way around pretty well. I entered the lounge where Dan was sat in front of the TV.

He turned around to see me walk into the room "Oh, hey"

"Ha" Phil chuckled.

"What's so funny?" I asked.

"He's been jumping up and down waiting for you to come for the last hour. He only sat down when you rang the doorbell. And now he's greeting you in a surprised way, like he didn't even remember that you were coming" he answered. Now I also started laughing. Dan pulled an irritated face at Phil.

"He's just making that up" Dan retorted.

"Of course he is" I agreed, but turned around and winked at Phil who smirked back. Dan got up and gave me a hug, pulling me inn tight, my head fit so nicely against his chest.

"You want something to eat or should we just get started with the film?" Phil asked interrupting Dan's and my hug.

"Nah, I had dinner before I came. Let's pick a movie" I said enunciating the word "movie", I thought it was so cute that they say "film" in Brittan.

"So, what type of movie do you want to watch?" Dan asked, also enunciating the word "movie" in a very sarcastic way.

"I don't know, let's take a look" I answered. Dan led me over to their TV and showed me their immense collection. I nodded approvingly as I found the titles of more than a few of my favorites.

"I am impressed, you have a very good collection" I complemented them.

"Thank you, we pride ourselves on it actually" Dan replied "What about a scary movie?" he asked. I was actually terrified of scary movies, but I knew that would be an excellent excuse to snuggle up to Dan.

"Ok, but only if one of you agrees to be my snuggle buddy" I negotiated.

"I'll take one for the team" Dan said teasingly.

"Oh, I'll have to sleep over, because I'll be way too scared to go home" I said questioningly. Dan and Phil exchanged looks, obviously deciding if I could sleep over or not. They decided much faster than I had expected.

"Sure" they exclaimed simultaneously.

"Ok, well, you guys will have to pick a movie, because I have no knowledge of scary movies" I confessed. Dan held up a movie to Phil and Phil nodded yes, so, then it was decided. Dan set up the movie, Phil went to the kitchen to get snacks and I sat down on the couch. Dan approached the couch, sat down and we assumed our already perfected snuggling position. Phil then came out with two bowls filled to the brim, one with popcorn and the other with a selection of chocolates.

"How did you know that my favorite thing of all time is popcorn and chocolate?" I asked.

"Phil just knows these types of things" Dan said laughing, I felt his chest vibrate beneath me as he laughed. Phil put the snacks on the table and joined us on the couch, so I was sitting in between the two of them. This was like the ultimate dream of any phan. I reached for a handful of popcorn as Dan pressed play and the movie started. I snuggled up even closer to Dan as the title appeared on the screen.


	19. Chapter eighteen

**Chapter eighteen**

Halfway through the movie I had buried my head in Dan's chest and covered my face with my hands. I was honestly so scared, even just hearing the sound. Dan was holding around me tightly and laughing every time I jumped, again just from the sound. Sometimes I would peek out from my hiding place only see something scary and go into hiding again right away.

When the movie finally ended I lay in Dan's embrace for what seemed like ages, too scared to move.

"It's safe to come out now" Dan said eventually and started removing my hands from my face. I uncurled and sat up, still a bit jumpy.

"Should we watch some TV to get you cooled down?" Phil asked.

"Mhm" I nodded yes. So Phil turned on the TV again and switched to a somewhat calmer channel. There was some British program on that I didn't recognize, but it was soothing. The boys had eaten most of the snacks while we watched the movie, I had been too scared. Now I made it up by stuffing my face with popcorn and chocolate, grinning in delight. After the program finished Dan got up.

"Do you wanna borrow a T-shirt to sleep in?"

"Sure" I answered. He went out of the room and came back with one of his T-shirts, handed it to me and directed me to the bathroom. I changed into his giant T-shirt and removed my bra. I hadn't worn a lot of makeup and I washed it off with soap and water. I always wore a couple ponytail-holders on my wrist; I took one and put my hair up in a messy bun. I then walked out into the living room again holding the clothes I had changed out of. Dan was carrying the bowls, now completely empty, out into the kitchen.

"Where's Phil?" I asked noticing his absence.

"He went to go do Phil stuff or something" Dan answered. I laughed recognizing that answer from his live shows. "Just let me put these away and then I'll show you the bedroom"

"Show me the bedroom? That sounds wrong" I said winking at him. He just flashed me a brilliant smile in reply, looking pretty content with himself. I followed him into the kitchen and watched him wash the bowls, helped him dry them and put them in one of the cupboards. He then led me down the hallway and into his bedroom witch I recognized immediately.

"Just make yourself comfortable" he told me and started leaving the room.

"Where are you going?"

"I was just going to make up the couch" he answered casually.

"Oh, no, I can't sleep alone, that's why I didn't want to go home. I'll scare myself to death" I stated.

"You want me to sleep with you?" he asked a sly grin spreading across his face.

"Get your mind out of the gutter Dan, but yes that's what I meant"

"Ok, I'll just go get my laptop from the lounge" he said. With that he left the room. I put my clothes in a neat pile next to the bed and decided to take a trip to the bathroom. When I came back into the room Dan was propped up against the headboard (topless) with his laptop on his lap. I could see that the personal trainer had been good. Obviously I didn't know what he looked like before, but he definitely looked pretty good then. I walked over to the bed and started taking off the sweatpants.

"Whoa, what are you doing?" I looked up to see Dan covering his eyes with a shocked look on his face, so cute.

"No it's ok, I don't like sleeping with sweatpants on, I mean pajama bottoms are fine, but sweatpants are just uncomfortable. And your T-shirt is so big that it covers me up" I was babbling "but if it makes you feel uncomfortable then I'll survive" I said bashfully starting to pull up my sweatpants again.

"No, no, no" he blurted out almost frantically. I looked up to find him with one hand stretched out to signal me to stop. He then got a somewhat bashful look and tried to make it sound better by saying "whatever makes you comfortable". I looked at him mischievously when I noticed he was blushing. So, I took off my sweatpants again and climbed into the bed.

"Could you turn off the lights?" he asked.

I got out of the bed again and walked over to turn off the lights, I could feel his gaze on me the whole way. I turned around and found Dan with his gaze fixed on me, from the dim light cast by his bedside lamp I could make out that he was biting his lip slightly. Needless to say I was turned on, big time. I walked back to the bed slowly, watching Dan look me over.

Climbing back into the bed I asked "Was that just so you could check me out?"

"Hey, a hot girl asks me to sleep with her and then takes off her pants and I'm just supposed to sit back and not milk it? I don't think so" he said jokingly. He said I was hot, and oh my goodness where we flirting? We must have been.

Dan put his laptop on his bedside table, turned off his bedside lamp and joined me under the blanket. I snuggled up to him feeling his bare skin with my hands.

"It's so dark and scary, you have to protect me" I pouted, even though I knew he wouldn't be able to see. Dan placed his arms around my waist, pulled me tight and kissed the top of my head lightly. I turned around and I remember falling asleep spooning in his arms.


	20. Chapter nineteen

**Chapter nineteen**

I woke up the next morning in the same position, I didn't know how, because I always moved in my sleep. I made a sleepy noise and Dan's arms tightened around me.

"Oh, sorry did I wake you?" I asked concerned.

"No, I've been awake for a while I was just watching you sleep, and I didn't want to wake you up by moving anyway" he answered sweetly. I turned around and laid my head on his chest.

"You wanna get up?" he asked.

"Nah, let's just lay here for a while" so we did, just lying there looking up at the sealing. I was tracing circles on Dan's bare chest with my finger when Phil walked inn.

"Oh, sorry, hope I'm not interrupting anything" Phil said looking a bit mischievous.

"No, of course not" Dan and I said in unison as we both sat up and scooted slightly away from each other.

"Ok, I just wanted to see if you were awake, I'm having breakfast now, if you guys want some?" Phil said trying to hide his amusement, but doing a very bad job of it.

"We'll be right out" Dan answered for the both of us. Phil left the room and we both got out of bed, I put on my sweatpants (in a way that was a bit more sexy than usual) and then we headed for the kitchen. Phil was sitting in the lounge eating some serial.

Once we were in the kitchen Dan asked "So, what would you like? We have bread, cereal, eggs, fruit, whatever you want"

"Cereal's fine"

Dan got out to bowls, some milk from the fridge and pointed me to the different cereals. I chose one in a green box and looked like it had a lot of sugar inn it. I poured some into my bowl and declined when Dan offered me the milk.

"What? You don't drink milk?"

"Nope, I was lactose intolerant when I was younger so I never really drank milk. I guess since I'm not used to it I don't really like it" I explained as we walked to the lounge and sat down together with Phil. The TV was on and for a while we just sat there watching the program eating our cereal.

"So, you guys, you know?" Phil started hesitantly.

"Oh, Phil, no. I was just so scared after the movie last night, I couldn't sleep alone, I would have scared myself to death" I reassured him. We kept eating in silence.

When I finished I got up and asked "Could I borrow a towel so I can take a shower?"

"Sure" Dan said getting up. He led me to the bathroom, showed me how the shower worked and got out a towel for me from a cupboard. "Have fun" he said leaving the room and closing the door behind him. I stepped into the shower and felt the hot water engulf me. When I stepped out of the shower I reached for the towel and wrapped it around me. I then remembered that my tank top and bra where still in Dan's rooms. I put on my underwear and sweatpants, wrapped the towel around my upper body and scurried down the hall. As I walked through the door I walked right into someone, looking up I saw it was Dan. He was holding my clothes.

"I was just about to bring these to you"

"Thanks" I said while adjusting the towel so it didn't slip down. I caught Dan sneaking a glance at my chest as I did so. He handed me my clothes, ran his hand lightly down my bare arm, making me brake out in goose bumps, then left to let me change. I got dressed and headed back out to the lounge where the boys were still plumped in front of the TV. I sat down in between them again; Dan scooted closer to me and put an arm around my shoulders.

Suddenly Phil jumped up "We should play a videogame"

"Ok, which one?" I asked joining him in front of the TV staring at their massive videogame collection and admitted "I'm not very good at ones where you have to do more than one thing at a time"

"What about Mariocart?"

"Yeah, I love Mariocart, and I can actually do it" I exclaimed.

All three of us gathered on the floor in front of the TV and started the game. We played for a long time and I was actually able to beat them a few times. Even though I knew they were huge videogame nerds. And every time I beat them I jumped up and did a little victory dance taunting them with "I beat you, I beat you, I beat you"

When the time was approaching one o'clock I decided it was time for me to leave, I didn't want to intrude on their hospitality for too long. We were all standing in the entrance hall and I was about to leave when I remembered the party Ally had invited me to.

"Hey, you guys wanna come to a party next Friday? My friend invited me so I could get more involved in the "social network" of London, but as you know I'm quite shy so she said I could bring two people with me so I would feel more comfortable"

"Yeah, why not? What about you Phil?"

"I would love to, but I can't. I have that thing remember Dan?"

"Oh, yeah, but at least I'll be there with you" Dan reassured me.

"Cool, see you on Friday then"

"Won't I see you in Starbucks during the week?"

"Unfortunately not, my manager set me up for later shifts all week. She said something about them being low on staff for the later shifts" I left after giving both the guys a hug. As I was pulling away from my hug with Dan I muttered "Thanks for staying with me last night" I stood up on my toes and kissed him softly on the cheek.


	21. Chapter twenty

**Chapter twenty**

I did see Dan in Starbucks later that week though. He came in later on the Wednesday just so he could say hi. We sat at a table and chatter for a little while till one of my colleagues started giving me dirty looks, obviously irritated that I was slacking off. So, I gave Dan a quick hug and he left me to do my job.

I figured out why I hadn't been seeing Benjamin lately though. He had started coming inn on a regular basis, only later, after my shift. I had been so caught off guard the first few times he had come inn and I had actually been quite rude to him I now realized. I didn't know for sure what his intentions were, but he did keep coming back. So, I suspected that it must have been something on the lines of getting back together with me. I was over Benjamin and was now moving on, hopefully with Dan. Therefore I decided on an attitude adjustment. If Benjamin did want to get back together with me he might have read the signs wrong. He might interpret my rudeness as a sign that I wasn't over him yet and was still mad with him for what happened between us. So, I decided to try to be nice instead, and then he might get the picture and not bother me anymore. Yes, I used to have feelings for the guy, but those feelings were gone and we were definitely never getting back together.

When he came in on Monday and Tuesday I smiled at him and we made small talk at the cash register. When he came in on Wednesday I was clearing tables, he entered the shop and walked over to stand in line. He got to the front, ordered and the guy at the counter asked him to take a seat while he waited for his order to be made.

Benjamin walked over to the table I was clearing; I looked up and gave him a bright smile.

"May I?" he gestured to the chair standing at the table.

"Be my guest" he pulled out the chair and sat down.

I kept washing the table and glancing up at him from time to time. I don't think you will be able to imagine how awkward that silence was. The worst part was that Benjamin seemed to be enjoying it, he hadn't changed one bit. I'm the type of person who quite enjoys awkward silences, and seeing how people handle them, Benjamin was too, that was one of the reasons we used to get along so well. We used to play this game, whenever we were on any type of public transport we would challenge each other to do really random and awkward things and then just sit down quietly in our seats and pretend nothing had happened. Whoever cracked up first or refused to do the challenge would lose. Benjamin would almost always win, I was much more of a wimp than him, and didn't like embarrassing myself.

"Why did I ever bother playing that game with you, you just wanted to humiliate me" I muttered, finally realizing that he just liked watching me make a fool out of myself.

"Whatever do you mean?" he asked, faking confusion.

"I'm going to be a mature adult right now and walk away, that does not mean I have lost, I just refuse to be a part of your games any more" with that I wiped the table one last time with my cloth and marched to the back of the shop, to the employees "lounge" if you could even call it a lounge.

After a minute or so I opened the door out to the shop, but just a crack big enough for me to peak out. Benjamin was still sitting at the table, his eyes fixed on the door to the back of the shop with an overly stupid grin plastered across his face. I quickly shut the door, sometimes he was so evil. I wished that stupid order of his would just be made already; there weren't that many people before him in line.

I hadn't noticed someone walk up behind me, so when I turned around from the door the sight of Ally standing in front of me looking confused made me jump back, only there was no back and I ended up slamming into the door. I hoped Benjamin hadn't heard that.

"Sara are you ok? What were you doing anyway?" Ally embraced me, trying to calm me down; she rubbed my back until my breath had slowed down. Then she pulled away and looked at me questioningly. "So?"

"I was checking if he was still out there"

"Who" her expression was getting more and more confused.

"You remember when Leah told you about that guy who came in and seemed to know me and I explained that that was my ex-boyfriend from Norway?"

"Yeah, is he here now?" I heard her getting animated.

"Well, yeah. I didn't see him after that first time he came in until I started working later this week, I guess he figured out that I worked early and decided to start coming later. We just shared the most awkward silence imaginable, and he's still sitting there, I can't go back out there"

"I have to see this guy" Ally announced getting up and heading for the door. I caught her arm and pulled her back.

"You can't do that" I tried to reason with her.

"Relax, I'll just go out there acting completely normal, then I can let you know when he leaves so you don't have to keep spying on him"

"Ok" I agreed unwillingly, I couldn't help but think she was going to embarrass me in some way, but I let her go.

She came back a few minutes later. "That guy just didn't want to leave" she exclaimed faking exasperation "he's really cute though" she winked at me.

"Oh, shut up" I punched her in the arm.


	22. Chapter tewnty one

**Chapter twenty one**

Wednesday evening Phil texted me "_I don't really have a "thing" on Friday_" I texted back "_What is that supposed mean?_" but Phil never answered, he obviously didn't want to elaborate. That was kind of mysterious, but I guessed he was hinting that he wanted Dan and I to have some alone time. Maybe Dan really did like me and Phil was trying to help him out. I pushed it out of my mind, I had bigger problems.

I had decided to tell Anna about Benjamin being in London. I logged on Facebook, something I rarely found myself doing lately and discovered that Anna was on line. We decided to ditch Facebook and move our conversation over to Skype.

"_Benjamin's in London?!_" she typed eagerly; we had the webcam on, but were using the chat function to communicate, so I could see her facial expression as she typed.

"_Yeah, his bands on tour so he's in London for a couple of weeks_"

"_When did he get there?_"

"_Idk, like a week ago_" I estimated.

"_Why didn't you tell me this sooner?_" she looked hurt.

"_I wanted to, it's just been messing with my head, I mean I've been trying to concentrate on Dan, but I can't help thinking about what Benjamin might be up to_" I tried to explain.

"_He's probably just trying to rub in how great his life is going without you_"

"_That's what I thought too, but . . ._"

"_But what?_" she questioned "_I know what you're thinking, but I'm not letting you fall for him again_"

"_We used to get along so well, I kinda miss him_" I typed longingly, remembering all the funny and cute memories we had made together.

"_Yeah, you got along well, until he dumped your sorry butt without even giving you a reason_"

"_He probably had a good reason, maybe I should ask him now that I'm not so bitter anymore_"

"_You bet he had a good reason, he couldn't live with himself, that was the reason_"

"_What do you mean he couldn't live with himself?_" now I was getting confused.

"_Well, if you're thinking about asking him about it anyway, it's probably better that you hear it from me_" I could see the look of concern spreading across her face.

"_Anna, you're scaring me, what is it I don't know?_"

"_You remember that party a week before our final exams, the one you couldn't go to?_" I nodded and gestured for her to continue, this seemed to be leading somewhere I wasn't sure I wanted to go. "_Well, as I told you later I got pretty drunk, and I know I told you that I couldn't remember a thing, but I could_"

"_I think I know where this is going, but I don't want to know_"

"_You have to know the truth, I don't want to hide this from you any more, you're my best friend_"

"_Ok_" I prepared myself for the worst.

"_As I said, I was really drunk and so was Benjamin and as much as it pains me to say this, we slept together, that's why he broke up with you, after you gave up your virginity to him he couldn't live with himself_" I read the explanation and immediately turned my webcam off. That was exactly what I had been preparing for, but I wasn't nearly prepared enough.

"_Please forgive me_" Anna still had her webcam on, she wore a look of complete horror and regret. Could I just forgive her? She had slept with my boyfriend, she was the reason he had broken up with me.

After a few minutes I hesitantly typed "_Please just tell me it's not true_"

"_I would love to, but I'm afraid I can't do that_" I could tell from her eyes that she was nearly in tears, I hated seeing people upset like that, especially my best friend. Could I even still call her my best friend? I didn't think I could just forgive her right away; I needed to think, about the whole situation.

"_I need some time_" I typed, not giving away anything.

"_Take all the time you need, just know that I am truly sorry and I hope you can forgive me. Let me know as soon as you've made up your mind, I'll be waiting to hear from you_"

I didn't want to hear anything more of what she may have to say, so I x'ed out Skype and shut my computer. As if I was in a daze I got up from my desk where I had been sitting, walked over to my bed and laid down, fully clothed, pulling my blanket over me. I kicked my sweatpants off under the covers and grabbed my teddy bear who was placed neatly on the other pillow. I hugged him to my chest and then placed him under my head like I used to do when I was a kid. Like when I was a kid he absorbed the tears now streaming down my cheek.

"I love you Pooh , at least I can always count on you to be here for me" I whispered as my sobbing died down and I slowly drifted off to sleep.


	23. Chapter twenty two

**Chapter twenty two**

Thursday morning I woke up feeling like shit, to put it mildly. My eyes were puffy, my nose was runny, and my hair looked like a birds nest. I got in the shower to try to clean myself up, I hadn't even thought about the previous evening yet. I put in shampoo, balsam and shaved, as I was rinsing out the last of the balsam it hit me though, like a punch to the gut. My ex-boyfriend had cheated on me with my best friend and then broken up with me. The sobbing came back, I gasped for breath as tears streamed down my face and mixed with the water from the shower head. It didn't feel like I was able to keep myself standing. I leaned against the wall of the shower and slid down till I was sitting on the floor of the shower hugging my knees, with the water pouring down on my naked, curled up body. I reached up and turned the water off, and then I sat there shivering for a while. I'm not sure how long I sat there for, but I finally got up slowly, I shakily reached out, grabbed my towel and wrapped it tightly around my body. When I looked at myself in the mirror my teeth were clattering and my lips were a soft bluish, purplish color.

I decided to call Lucy and tell her I couldn't come to work today. I made up an excuse that I had gotten some very bad news, which was partly true, except she probably thought someone had died. She let me off the hook for this once, since I had been pretty good at attending work, and I assured her I would be back and ready to give one hundred present on Friday.

I didn't want this to ruin my life, I liked my job and I wasn't losing it because of this, Benjamin wasn't worth that. All I needed was a little bit of time, just one day, to sort things out in my head and decide if I should be forgiving anyone. Anna was one thing, but Benjamin was a whole other story. I didn't particularly want to, but I knew I would have to confront him about this at some point, it would probably be better if I did that sooner rather than later. By the next day I would have it all figured out, I would go back to work, resume my life and confront Benjamin.

Today I could rest and think and decide, but first I had to sleep. For some reason I felt tired, like I hadn't slept in years, although I had actually woken up just an hour ago after sleeping for eight hours.

Three hours later I woke up not really feeling much more rested, but it was already midday and I decided I had to get up; otherwise I would waste the whole day in bed. Also, I would never be able to fall asleep again that evening. After pulling on my sweatpants from the night before, a giant hoodie over my head and slipping into my fuzzy slippers I dragged myself into the kitchen. I wasn't really hungry, but I was smart enough to know that I had to eat something. Because of the circumstances I allowed myself to retrieve the one box of chocolate cereal I kept at the back of one of the cabinets. I poured myself a bowl, and no, no milk, I used to be lactose intolerant as a kid so I never liked milk. When I was younger I used to have cereal with orange juice, because orange juice was my favorite thing ever, but only in Cornflakes or other cereals with little taste.

Not bothering with a spoon I scooped up some of the cereal with my hand and shoved it in my mouth. I munched on a couple of handfuls as I made my way over to the TV, grabbed the remote and plopped down on the couch. There was nothing good on, but I kept flipping through the channels, just to have something to do. After about an hour of this I got too bored and decided to go on tumblr, I always found something to do on there. I scrolled down my dashboard, got to the bottom, and reblogged a couple posts, but even tumblr seemed to boar me.

I needed to talk to someone, clear my head, get all my thoughts out and make a decision. My first choice for something like that would usually be Anna, but unfortunately she was a part of the mess this time. The second best thing would usually be my sister, but she was probably at school and this couldn't wait. Therefore, I decided to call Ally, she had become somewhat of a substitute best friend since Anna was back in Norway.

"Hey what's up?" Ally greeted me cheerily "Why weren't you at work today?"

"I'm ok, I guess, you remember that I told you about my ex Benjamin and that he's here in London and stuff yesterday right?" I asked.

"How could I forget?" Ally teased "I saw him today in the shop by the way"

"Well something happened last night, and that's why I didn't come to work today"

"What in the world could have happened between you that was enough for you not to come to work for?"

"Well" I started, but Ally cut me off.

"Are you sure this is something I want to know?" I knew what she was hinting toward.

"Of course, it's not anything like that. Well, kinda, but not" I trailed off.

"Mhm"

"Just let me explain it to you, and then you'll understand"


	24. Chapter twenty three

**Chapter twenty three**

I explained the whole situation to Ally, I told her about how Benjamin had dumped me right after our final exams, the day after I gave up my virginity to him. I then told her about Anna and how she was my best friend and had been since the start of high school, and how she had confessed to me the last night that she had slept with Benjamin at a party. I tried to connect the dots for her, how Benjamin hadn't been able to live with himself after I gave up my virginity to him knowing that he had slept with my best friend.

"Did she tell you that he broke up with you because he couldn't live with himself or did you just put that together yourself?" Ally asked she had wanted to make sure she knew all the details before she started to give me any advice.

"No she told me"

"So, they must have talked about it and maybe even decided together that he should break up with you" she sounded suspicious.

"I never thought about that, but your right, I see that now" a moment of silence occurred while this sunk in on me "oh my goodness, you don't think she tried to make him break up with me?"

"The thought did cross my mind, but what would she have to gain from that, I mean she didn't end up with him"

"No, she has her own boyfriend actually; they've been dating for over two years now"

There was silence.

"Sarah, you know that means they were dating when she slept with Benjamin?"

"Yeah, I figured that out. What if he doesn't know about it? What if he does? What if he always knew and has been hiding it from me as well? What if they sit there laughing about how I was never able to figure it out?" I was overthinking again.

"Snap out of it Sarah. Your friends aren't evil" Ally pulled me back to reality.

"Yeah, I know, but what should I do about this?" I felt so lost.

"This sucks big time, I get that. I have fortunately never been in a situation like this before though. There are a lot of things you could do, you could chose to forgive either Anna, or Benjamin, or both, you could chose to not forgive any of them and cut them out of your life completely, or you could chose to forget that it ever happened, and suppress you anger and frustration until you burst"

"Very funny, well it seems like I'll have to go for the first option, because the last one was not actually an option and the second one I don't want to do, I mean I love them both. The question is, how am I ever going to forgive any of them?"

"Well, dumping you without giving you a reason and letting you find out from your best friend a half a year later when she just couldn't hold it in any longer was a really bad move by Benjamin. He's not really that much a part of your life any more anyway. Anna on the other hand, well I don't really want to say this, cause she's your best friend, but she sounds like kind of a slut, sleeping with another guy when she has a boyfriend is one thing, but then having that guy be the boyfriend of her best friend"

"No, you're right," I admitted "but what's the conclusion?"

"First of all, ditch the twat no matter what, he's a bitch. I'm going to say that you're probably going to end up having to forgive Anna. Yeah, she slept with your boyfriend, but she's probably been beating herself up for that ever since, maybe she wanted to tell you earlier, but Benjamin wouldn't let her" she gasped.

"What?"

"I just realized something; maybe Benjamin threatened to tell Anna's boyfriend about it if she told you. She wanted to tell the truth, but he didn't want to hurt you, but that doesn't mean he's forgiven either, he hurt you anyway by dumping you like he did" Ally was getting a bit carried away, even though all of her speculations did seem to make sense.

"All of this is making sense, but I think you're getting a little too carried away. I'll have to talk to Anna again to make sure, but I still don't know if I'll be able to forgive her. I was so messed up last night, and today I was barely able to get out of bed. I guess I never imagined that my best friend would ever do anything that could hurt me like that"

"You never see things like this coming; it just suddenly hits you in the face and the shock knocks all the air out of you, but you just have to get back up and keep going. This shouldn't have to ruin your friendship with Anna, it was a long time ago and I'm sure she's already given herself enough grief about it" Ally reassured me.

"I'll talk to Anna again tonight and try to figure things out. Thanks for all your help, I really needed someone to talk to"

"Any time, what are friends for right? You'll be ok right?"

"Yeah, I will. Bye"

"Bye sweetie" and then she hung up.


	25. Chapter twenty four

**Chapter twenty four**

I had to wait until later before I could speak to Anna again, she probably had lectures and I didn't want to interrupt her. Anyway, that gave me time to think over everything Ally had said. She had a point; I was going to end up having to forgive Anna at some point. I loved her to death, I don't think I could live without her, and she was the only one who understood my situation with Dan. And then there was Dan, well this really didn't have to affect my relationship with Dan at all. I'd just tell Benjamin off, and let him get on with his life, and then I could go back to being friends with Anna and try to get whatever was going on between me and Dan to actually go somewhere.

As I was sitting down to eat my dinner, leftovers from a couple of days ago, I got a text. It was from Dan and read "_How are you feeling?_"

I replied suspiciously "_I'm fine, why I wouldn't be?_"

"_That's good. A girl named Ally phoned me up earlier and told me you were having a bit of a tough time and I should check up on you_"

"_Just some drama with some friends of mine from Norway, involving an ex-boyfriend, but I'm fine now. I have no idea how she found your number though, I guess she just really likes to mess with other people's lives. She's friend who invited us to that party btw_"

"_I could fly to Norway and beat him up for you if you want_" I appreciated the gesture.

"_Benjamin's actually in London atm, but I don't know who would win in a fight between you two_"

"_HE'S IN LONDON?! Has he tried any funny business with you? I'll totally beat him up if he has, whoever he is_"

"_Jealous much? :P_"I taunted.

"_Why would I be jealous? I've got the upper hand, I'm crazy internet famous_"

"_He's in a band though, girls love guys in bands_"

"_Yeah, but he doesn't have one million subscribers on YouTube does he?_"

"_You mean, your one million screaming 12 year old girls? :P_"

"_You're one of my subscribers, that proves that they aren't all screaming 12 year old girls, unless you are 12 of course?_"

"_No, you're safe, you're not a pedophile_"

"_Good._ _What has this ex-boyfriend of yours who is in a band done then, since there's all this drama?_"

"_Well, I kinda found out that he slept with my best friend when we were dating, and then broke up with me because of it, but I've decided to forgive her. Do you mind if we don't talk about it though? I would just like to forget about my ex all together"_

"_That can be arranged, but just so you know you can always talk to me if something's up, maybe not about all the girly stuff, but if you want ex-boyfriends beaten up I'm all in"_

I decided to have some fun with that "_Well, I have this one problem, you see I'm not quite sure what sized tampons to buy_" Dan didn't answer for about a minute, so I called my bluff "_Just kidding! But seriously, I appreciate it_"

"_Few, I was hoping you weren't being serious_"

We kept texting back and forth for about a half hour longer. I felt myself smiling and noticed how much I laughed and how eagerly I awaited his responses. I had been so down and depressed after the last night, I couldn't have imagined that anyone would be able to make me so happy so short after that. Dan just had a way of making everything bad go away, I felt I could be myself around him and not have to worry about any of my other problems. I couldn't believe I was falling for him this fast, I mean I had kind of known him for years, but technically I had only met him a few weeks ago.

Dan finally said he had to get back to doing whatever it was he was doing and I apologized for distracting him for so long, to which he replied "_That's ok, I like talking to you_". That, for some reason, made me squirm in side.

I felt myself getting too over exited, like I did when I used to have crushes in junior high. It wasn't healthy, and I didn't even know if he liked me (even though in junior high I mostly knew that the boys I had crushes on didn't like me back), but I just couldn't help it. There was something about Dan that brought out the crazed 8th grader in me.


	26. Chapter twenty five

**Chapter twenty five**

When I was finished talking to Dan it was still too early to call Anna, even though I really wanted to just forgive her already. Talking to Ally and Dan had convinced me that I should just put the whole situation behind me, at least when it came to Anna. Benjamin was a whole other story. I just wanted to let Anna know that I had forgiven her already.

I had nothing better to do, so I decided to do some cleaning. I hadn't cleaned my apartment for a long time; I guess I had been distracted. I put on some music, loud, but not too loud, I didn't want the neighbors getting irritated. I had gotten to know a few of my neighbors, at least the ones on either side of me in the hall. To my left there was a young man about ten to fifteen years older than myself, so maybe not quite so young, and to my right there was a young woman about five years older than myself. The man's name was Bill and the woman was Valery.

Bill and I exchanged smiles and "Hello's" in the hall and occasionally had short conversations about the weather and such. I had talked more to Valery; we had "met", I guess, when a letter that was meant for me had ended up in her mailbox. This was about a week ago; we had hit it off and had ended up talking for quite a while until she had to get to work. She worked as a bartender in a club and sometimes I had heard her coming home late at night, sometimes accompanied by someone else. Every morning I had heard two voices the previous night there was a new girl walking out of Valery's apartment with what looked like a clubbing outfit (they never had messy hair or disheveled makeup though, I guess when a girl brings home another girl she has all that's needed to look presentable in the morning). As you could guess Valery was gay, I did ask her to make sure and she admitted it right away. I didn't mind, I had had a friend in high school who was lesbian. Neither of them were in to me though luckily.

I was cleaning the kitchen when I heard a knock on my door, and speak of the devil, it was Valery.

"Hey Valery, what's up?" I asked.

"You have good taste in music" she stated "do you mind if I come in?"

"Not at all, I was just cleaning, but it'd be nice to have some company" I stepped aside and let her in to my apartment "So, you like metal?" I ask as I close the door behind me.

"Yeah, mostly the old-school stuff, but some of the new stuff is pretty good as well"

At the moment one of my favorite Metallica songs "The Day that Never Comes" was playing. I usually play Metallica when I clean or exercise, don't ask me why, I just do.

"Cool, I never knew. Doesn't it bother you when you're working though? All that awful party music" we move to the kitchen and I resume my cleaning, Valery hops up on one of the countertops.

"It's not all that bad, but yeah, some of it's really irritating"

"I agree, there are some of the songs I could actually see myself listening to, but the rest is just three minutes of repeating the exact same line a thousand times"

"Exactly" she laughs.

Finally someone in this world who understood the struggles of a metal fan. We kept talking for a while, mostly about music and what bands we were liked, I found out she was into a lot of the same as I was. I loved it when I found people randomly who I had a lot in common with. We wandered onto the topic of work; she already knew that I worked at Starbucks, so there wasn't much more to say about that, it's a pretty average job. She told me about her job though, and from there we kind of ventured onto the topic of her sexuality. Once again she reassured me that she was not interested in me.

"You know when a lesbian tells you that they're not into you at first your relieved, obviously, but then you're kind of like, but why not?"

She giggled "I guess you're not my type, I mean you're really pretty and all" she paused and I nodded in appreciation "but I guess I usually go for the a little less innocent type of girls"

"I'm not that innocent" I argued, she gave me a you-are-and-you-know-it-look, "ok, fine, I am" I admit.

"So you have your eye on someone in particular?" she asked, half teasingly, half serious.

I ended up telling her the whole story about Dan, and of course then I had to tell her about Benjamin. She was the third person I had discussed it with that day. As expected she agreed with Ally about forgiving Anna. When it came to Benjamin, she had almost as strong feelings about him as Dan.

"You know that's why I don't date guys, they're insensitive little shits, no offence. I wish I could beat him up for you"

"That's basically what Dan said as well"

"Who do you think would win in a fight between the two of them?"

"I don't know, Dan's pretty tall, but he's not very athletic, I think Benjamin would be stronger than him" I admitted.

"You didn't tell him that did you?"

"Of course not, I don't want to damage his precious ego" we both laughed loudly. The conversation went on for a little longer before I decided that I should start thinking about calling and telling Anna what I had decided. Valery said she had to get to work soon anyway, and wished me good luck. I let walked her out of my apartment and watched her walk down the hall to hers waving as she unlocked her door and stepped in.

Well, I've always wanted a gay best friend.


	27. Chapter twenty six

**Chapter twenty six**

I don't know why, but I felt a little nervous as I logged on to Skype to check if Anna was on. I was going to forgive her, so I don't see why I would be nervous. I logged on and saw Anna's familiar photo and name with the little green sign beside it indicating that she was logged on. Just like on Facebook I always kept it so that it didn't look like I was logged on. I guess I didn't like people who I didn't want to talk to contacting me. On Skype I had a few friends as contacts just like on Facebook who I didn't really talk to, but who could sometimes decide that they randomly wanted to start up a conversation.

Mustering up the courage I didn't realize I needed I clicked on Anna's name and typed into the chat "_Hey_"

"_I've been waiting to hear from you since I got home from class today_"

"_I didn't want to interrupt your lecture or anything, so I waited. I also had to think about the whole situation of course_"

"_Well, so far it doesn't seem like you're never going to speak to me again, then again this may just be a way of telling me that you've decided to disown me_"

"_Haha no, I've thought it over and gotten some advice from my other friends, and I've decided to forgive you_" I knew that I forgave her pretty easily, but I had thought it over and I didn't want to lose my best friend because of my idiotic ex.

"_YAYYAYYAYYAYYAY!_" I guess she approved that decision. "_Thank you sooo much, I mean I hoped you would, but I couldn't be sure_"

"_Just make sure it doesn't happen again_"

"_Never ever, I promise" _

"_One more thing though, does Kristopher _(her boyfriend) _know about what happened?_"

"_Yeah, I told him, and he promised to keep it a secret as well_"

"_So, then he obviously forgave you as well, I mean you guys were dating at the_ _time_"

"_He did, luckily. I was so afraid to tell him, but I wasn't as good at hiding it from him as I was from you, he saw right through me, probably because I actually wanted to tell him, but didn't dare to. He confronted me about it not too long after it happened actually. I promised him that it wouldn't happen again as well, he had a hard time trusting me for a while after that, but now were back to normal again. I'm so glad for that, he is the most amazing boyfriend ever!_"

_"That's good. So, can we go back to being best friends now?_"

_"Of course, is there something you want to talk about? Is it Dan?!_"

"_Duuh, I talked to Ally this morning obviously about you and Benjamin and stuff, and then somehow she managed to get Dan's number and told him to call me because I was having a rough time, and he did and he was really sweet and made me forget all about how upset I was about you and Benjamin_"

"_Naw, he's a keeper_"

"_I can't keep him if he's not mine jet_" I reminded her.

"_Don't be silly he is so obviously into you, you could have him with a snap of your fingers, he would come running_"

"_Anna, don't overexaggerate_"

"_I promise you, I'm not_"

We discussed the matter a little further, and Anna kept insisting that I should "go for it". I was so bad at those kinds of things; I always overthought things like that. I had never made the first move on a guy in my life, that's why I didn't get a boyfriend until I was well into high school. Most of the guys I had liked in the past hadn't liked me back, with the obvious exception of Benjamin. I don't know how we ever even got together; I was so shy and scared. I guess I hadn't changed as much as I had thought. Maybe I was just afraid of getting hurt again, like what happened with Benjamin. Dan would never do anything like that though, or at least I hoped he wouldn't. I should probably take Anna's advice, but I was still questioning if Dan actually liked me or not.


	28. Chapter twenty seven

**Chapter twenty seven**

Friday morning was refreshing; I felt good after having forgiven Anna and cleared up our friendship. Even though we hadn't been friends for more than a day I had missed her, not that I usually talked to her ever second of the day, but not having the opportunity to contact her seemed wrong. All through Thursday I had had the urge to call her, not being able to talk to her about my problem was crippling. Luckily I had made some good friends in London, I was especially glad that I was getting so well along with Valery. I think I kind of knew from the time she had said she was sorry the first time, on Wednesday evening, that I would forgive Anna.

I was in a really good mood when I went into work. All my worries and thoughts from the news I had received only two days ago had all drifted out of my head during the night. Plus I played my favorite album on my mp3-player (no, I still don't have an iPod) as I walked to work.

"You seem happy today. We missed you yesterday" one of my colleagues remarked in the brake room that afternoon.

I was happy, not that I wasn't happy often, but it seemed like it had been a long time since I had been that happy. Time flies, I guess, when you spend a day at home.

I got right back into the swing of things, taking orders, making coffee, clearing tables. Lucy decided to put me to work right away, not that I minded. The day flew by at a reasonably high pace, having more than enough to do probably contributed to that. Ally obviously had a different shift that day, but that happened and I did have other colleagues who I was friendly with.

All was well until I was standing at the register somewhere towards the end of my shift and heard the door of the shop open. I looked up to find the one person in the world who I did not want to see that day, Benjamin. He strutted over to the register in his usual fashion; obviously unaware that I now retained knowledge of his wrongdoings. I mean I think he still believed that I hadn't gotten over him dumping me (something he probably believed I could eventually forgive him for), but as far as I knew he had no idea that Anna had revealed to me the shocking reason (something I would most definitely never forgive him for).

With my fakest smile plastered across my face I welcomed him "Welcome to Starbucks, may I take your order?" I tried my best at a sweet tone of voice, but from the look on Benjamin's face it probably came out in more of a sarcastic and I-would-like-to-stab-you-in-your-sleep tone. Not that I was so surprised at this, in my mind I was imagining pealing the flesh off his face, chopping it up and forcing him to eat it raw. Ok, maybe it wasn't quite so violent, but I was definitely imagining giving him a good kick in the balls.

"Is something wrong?" he asked in concern.

"Nothing at all, will it be the usual then?" I asked trying hard not to glare at him in a sadistic manner.

"Yes please? Are you sure there's nothing wrong?" I obviously was not very successful.

"Of course not. Your order will be ready in a minute, please have a seat while you're waiting"

He went to take a seat, occasionally daring to glance up at me to which I replied with an evil stare. Finally his name was called; he picked up his coffee and left the shop. I don't think he dared look back in fear that I might fry his brains with my stare.

I went on with my day; luckily none of my colleagues seem to notice my little run in with Benjamin, something they seemed to do most of the time. I was glad I didn't have to explain that to them. Why couldn't Benjamin just leave London and stop constantly being there, as the situation was he was making it impossible for me to forget about him. All I wanted was to never have to see that lying, cheating cunt ever again. Was that really too much to ask?


	29. Chapter twenty eight

**Chapter twenty eight**

Slowly my enraging encounter with Benjamin started fading away and at the end of my shift I happily put on my jacket, put my earphones in my ears and walk out the back door humming along with the song currently playing.

That's when I felt a hand on my shoulder stopping me in my tracks. I turned around and looked up at, again, the one person who I did not want to see that day, Benjamin.

I slowly took my earphones out of my ears, glared up at him and spat "What?"

"I just wanted to talk to you about earlier. I know that something's up, you've never looked at me with that amount of disgust. I don't know what I did, but whatever it is I am truly sorry" he said genuinely, I guess he had forgotten about cheating on me and then breaking up with me because of it, well too bad, cause I hadn't.

"Oh, I think you know very well what you did. You may have thought that I would never find out, but you definitely know what you did"

"Sara I'm confused. What are you talking about?"

"Let me enlighten you. First of all you slept with my fucking best friend, and second of all you broke up with me because of it without even telling me. Did I clear up your confusion?"

Benjamin stared at me blankly for a few seconds, so I started turning to walk away.

"Wait" he exclaimed.

I turned around slowly "What?"

"How did you find that out?"

"Anna told me. Do you know why? Because she's a good friend and she decided that she couldn't keep that from me anymore. To think that I had forgiven you for breaking up with me and then suddenly I find out I never should have"

"I wanted to tell you, but I knew you would react badly, like you seem to be doing now"

"Seriously? React badly? Is there a _good _way of reacting to finding out your boyfriend cheated on you with your best friend and then broke up with you because of it?"

"That's not what I meant , I . . .

I cut him off, not wanting to hear any of his excuses "Whatever, it doesn't matter, I don't want to hear any of your excuses. There is no way you will ever be able to make this up to me, and I will never forgive you. So, there is no point in trying, it'll just be a waste of breath"

"Sara just listen to what I have to say. I never meant for that to happen, we were drunk and we made a mistake. I wasn't able to live with myself after that, I probably should have told you when I broke up with you, but I didn't want to hurt you any more than necessary"

"Oh, so you did it out of mercy? Wow, you're such a saint Benjamin!" the sarcasm dripped from mouth like acid "But you figured you should probably just take my virginity first. 'Cause that was the noble thing to do right? And then break up with me the night after"

"I didn't want to take your virginity after that, I mean I wanted to of course, I couldn't help myself, that's why I did, but I couldn't keep on keeping the secret from you after that. As I said, I just couldn't live with myself"

"Benjamin, like I said, you're wasting your breath. In fact you're only digging the hole deeper. What you did is unforgiveable, now I would like to never see you again, so please don't come here anymore" I felt tears start to form at the corner of my eyes. I was so frustrated and upset, but at the same time the thought of never seeing him again for some reason made me sad. We had been so happy together; we had made a lot of precious memories. After he had broken up with me and I had finally been able to forgive him I had still held onto those happy memories. Now those memories were all clouded over by hatred and I wished to discard of them as soon as possible.

"I can't live without ever seeing you again" he said softly "that's why I had to come back and talk to you; I saw you on Wednesday, sitting in the shop with that guy, I got jealous and I thought that maybe your irritability toward me had something to do with him. I had to see you again; I couldn't let him take you away from me without knowing if you had forgiven me"

"Well, it's a little too late for that don't you think?" I whispered trying to choke back the tears threatening to roll down my cheeks.

Benjamin placed his hand beneath my chin, trying to guide my eyes away from the pavement, but I swatted his arm away. "Just don't" I turned around and started walking off in a high tempo. I hear him call my name, but I just kept walking. I was sick and tired of him and I hoped I would never have to see him again.

Behind me I could hear footsteps approaching.

"Benjamin just leave me alone" I said, a little louder than I had anticipated.

He ran out in front of me forcing me to stop or I would walk right into him "I can't just leave you alone Sara, I still love you". I looked up in shock, that was not something I had expected.

"What did you s . . ." I was cut off by Benjamin's lips crashing into mine.


	30. Chapter twenty nine

**Chapter twenty nine**

Benjamin is kissing me! What?!

This was not what I had planned would happen when I confronted him. All the memories of us started coming back to me involuntarily. His lips were so familiar, so safe, but wait, I couldn't be kissing Benjamin. I hated him, remember? In my head a debate was going on, partly I wanted to pull away and slap him across the check, but partly I wanted to kiss him back. All of this happened inside my head in a fraction of a second.

For some reason the part of me that wanted to kiss him back won. I guess it was a rash decision. I felt my arms reach up and wrap around his neck and his arms around my waist, pulling us closer together. Benjamin deepened the kiss, but that was when I came to my senses. I couldn't be kissing Benjamin, I despised him. Oh my goodness how could I be so stupid? He was playing on my old feelings for him, taking advantage of the fact that he was the only guy I had ever really kissed. I pushed him away from me with all my might.

"I can't" I muttered under my breath, turned and ran in the opposite direction; luckily Benjamin didn't try to follow me. I ran all the way back to my apartment building, and after letting myself inn I ran all the way up to my apartment. Unlocking my apartment door, bursting in and locking it again in a hurry I leaned against the wall and let myself slide to the floor.

What was that? I slammed both my fists onto the hard floor, that didn't do much except make my hands hurt. How could I have fallen for his act again? Was I really that stupid? He couldn't just go around kissing people anyway. Confusion clouded my mind.

After sitting on the floor not moving for about ten minutes I decided that I better get up and do something. The only problem was that I didn't know what do; it didn't feel like I would be able to do anything. After walking around meaninglessly for a few minutes I finally managed to make myself some food and sit down at the table to eat it. I had only eaten one bite when my thoughts started flooding into my head again.

What was that kiss supposed to mean? Did it mean that Benjamin wanted to get back together with me? He had said that the reason he had come to London was because he had to see me again. I knew for a fact that he had come because of his band, so he probably just made that up to sound sweet and whatnot.

The real question was did I want to get back together with him? I hadn't forgiven him for sleeping with Anna. In that moment when he had kissed me though I had wanted to forgive him, something I thought I would never want to do. I had planned that confrontation out so well in my head, I would tell him that I would never forgive him and then he would leave and I would never have to see him again. That, unfortunately, was not how it panned out. Not to mention my ongoing crisis with Dan, trying to figure out if he liked me or not. I had to face up to the fact that I did indeed have feelings for Dan, stronger feelings than I had thought; I don't think I could deny that anymore.

Obviously if something did happen between Benjamin and I that would ruin any chance I might have with Dan, but if something happened between Dan and I that would equally ruin the possibility of getting back together with Benjamin.

I decided I had to think of myself, figure out what I wanted. This was something that I couldn't talk to anyone about, well maybe Anna or my sister, but I knew that their opinions would only confuse me even more. What did I want?


	31. Chapter thirty

**Chapter thirty**

Obviously I had been a little distracted that week, but in the back of my mind I had been trying to decide on an outfit for Friday evening, I settled on one after I had finally been able to clear my head of confusion, at least partly. I decided not to go too fancy, so I ended up with black skinny jeans, a quite pretty purple and white top with three quarter length sleeves and a pair of black pumps with turquoise highlights. I clipped my hair back with a big clip, but let my side bangs hang down on the side of my face. I put on an extra layer of mascara and a bit of black eye shadow, keeping it simple.

Dan was supposed to come over to my place at six thirty so we could take a taxi together to the party. I hadn't quite been able to find out where this venue was, but Dan apparently knew. However Dan was late and didn't show up at my apartment till ten to seven. I never liked being late to anything so at that point I was stood in my entrance hall pacing back and forth. When Dan finally showed up I basically ran down the steps to the front door of my apartment building. I gave Dan a big hug then started scolding him for his tardiness. We hailed a taxi and luckily didn't arrive at the party too late.

When we arrived I texted Ally and she met us at the entrance to make sure we got inn. The party was held at a loft which had been redone and looked kind of like a club, it was really cool. Dan was left at the bar as Ally dragged me around the room introducing me to a whole lot of people. I was sure that I wouldn't remember half of them the next day, but most of them at least seemed like very nice people. After a while Ally disappeared and left me with a group of her friends. One of the girls in this group was very much my type of person and we hit it off instantly. I talked with this girl, her name was Susan, for a while and then excused myself to go find Dan, but we exchanged numbers before I left. I felt bad for running off with Ally and just leaving him alone at a party where he knew no one.

As expected I found Dan in basically the exact place where I had left him. I apologized and he assured me that it was just fine. For a while we just sat by the bar drinking and talking. The more we drank the weirder the conversation got. We talked about all sorts of things, like bathroom routines, birthmarks, cleaning and our fears of the dark. I had no idea how we got on to any of those topics, but it was fun. At one point Dan exclaimed that we should dance, so we headed out on the dance floor and let loose. I had always liked dancing around and just letting loose and at party where no one knew me was the perfect place to do so. We danced for a while, but then I had to go to the bathroom. In the bathroom I met Susan again and we chatted in front of the mirror while freshening up. When I got out from the bathroom again Dan had disappeared.

I looked everywhere for him and finally found him at the bar. That was when I realized how much more Dan had had to drink than me, but I didn't care, he was fun when he was drunk. When he saw me he immediately grabbed hold of me and managed to pull me out onto the dance floor again. The song that was playing was a fast pace song and all around us there where people jumping up and down to the beat, but Dan decided to go against the stream. He pulled me close and we started slow dancing. I had my hands around his neck and my head on his shoulder, his hands where on my waist holding me tight up against him. Dan pulled away slightly, I looked up at him and out of nowhere he suddenly leaned down and kissed me.


	32. Chapter thirty one

**Chapter thirty one**

Dan was an amazing kisser, kissing me softly at first then gradually deepening the kiss. I felt his hands ease their way from my waist and downward as I curled my fingers into his soft hair. I realized how much I wanted this, but then I remembered how drunk Dan was. He wasn't thinking properly and he would never remember this the next day, it had to stop.

I pulled away abruptly, removing his hands "We need to get you home"

"Ooh, a little eager are we? We can take it straight to the bedroom if that's what you want" Dan said seductively, or rather he was trying to say it seductively, the alcohol was making him slur his words so it didn't come out quite right.

I managed to find Ally and together we dragged Dan out of the venue and hailed a taxi. Dan was trying to force himself upon me the whole cab ride till I slapped him away. I must have hit him pretty hard because he instantly recoiled and sulked in the corner the rest of the ride.

When we reached Dan and Phil's apartment I rang the buzzer, but there was no response, which was weird because I thought Phil would be at home. Ally had the brilliant idea that Dan might have his keys on him, and I was selected to fish them out of his pocket. With Dan supported by Ally I tentatively reached into Dan's pocket and let out a sigh of relief as I located his keys. I then awkwardly pulled them out of his pocket and unlocked the front door of the building.

We hauled Dan all the way up the stairs to his apartment door. Without thinking of the earlier lack of response I rang the doorbell. To my surprise Phil opened up the door. He was clad in only a blue towel, no shirt, and his hair was soaking.

"Hey Phil, we tried buzzing earlier, but there was no reply so we used Dan's key to unlock the front door"

"Yeah, sorry about that, I was in the shower, as you might have guessed by my um, half nakedness" he said apologetically.

"Would you maybe mind helping us getting your friend to bed?" Ally piped up a little irritably, she was standing behind me supporting Dan, and I had almost forgotten she was there.

"Of course" Phil said noticing the girl supporting his obviously drunken friend.

Together we help Dan into his bedroom and laid him down on his bed.

Dan managed a slurred "I got you into my bedroom" before he passed out.

"We should maybe get him out of those tight jeans, so they don't cut of the circulation to his feet" I suggested.

"You guys go ahead; I think I'll pass on that one" Ally announced and left the room. So, Phil and I talked the undressing, it's really hard to undress someone when they don't help you at all, especially if that someone is a quite heavy twenty-two year old man. We decided to only remove his pants, and leave his shirt on and placed his blanket over him. One might expect that undressing a person who you're attracted to would be quite intriguing, but no. I didn't exactly go weak at the knees at the sight of Dan completely passed out in a drunken fashion even without pants on.

We walked out into the hallway where Ally was stood waiting.

"I feel I should have warned you that Dan can get a little bit intense when he is drunk" Phil apologized.

"Most people do, he said in a live show once what type of drunk he was, so I was pretty prepared" I reassured him. Ally coughed making her presence known once more "This is Ally by the way; she was the friend who invited us to the party" I explained.

They shook hands "I'm Phil"

"I noticed" Ally flashed him a brilliant smile.

"Would you guys like to stay for some tee or something?"

"Of course"

"Oh, no we wouldn't want to intrude" I cut in.

"No, really I assure you, you would put me at no disposition" he insisted. I'd never heard Phil use such big words, like he was trying to impress someone.

Ally shot me a pleading look. Why did she all of a sudden want to stay so badly? "I guess it wouldn't hurt" I conceded.

Phil went to put on some clothes and then joined Ally and me in the kitchen. He put on the kettle and opened one of the cupboards.

"What type would you guys like?" he asked.

Ally joined Phil by the cupboard and examined the different boxes from over his shoulder "That one looks good" she decided pointing to one of the colorful boxes.

"I think I'll just have water, not a big fan of tea" I admitted.

"Sure" Phil took out two tea bags from the box Ally had selected, grabbed a glass and two mugs, poured some tap water into my glass and handed it to me, and some hot water into the mugs with the teabags and handed one to Ally. She smiled sweetly, a smile I didn't see her use very often, and then muttered a small "Thank you" with a little goggle at the end. I had a feeling I knew what was going on. What really gave it away was when she took a sip of her tea while looking up at Phil with what I could only describe as a rather seductive look.

The three of us chatted for a little while, and then I excused myself to go to the bathroom. When I came out again Phil and Ally where laughing quite loudly and Ally had one hand placed on Phil's arm. I announced that I thought it was time for Ally and me to head home, and Ally agreed reluctantly.

Phil walked us to the door and gave us both hugs before we exited into the hallway and he closed the door behind us.

As Ally and I walked down the stairs of the building she exclaimed "He's cute isn't he"

"Who Dan? Yes he is" I said with a wry smile.

"Not Dan silly, I meant Phil" she said with a giggle. In reply I gave her a smile and a knowing look while wiggling my eyebrows.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" Ally questioned suspiciously.

I placed a hand on her arm and exclaimed while giggling a little too loudly "Oh, you're so funny Phil" mimicking her from earlier.

"Haha, that is not what I sound like"

"You like Phil, you like Phil" I sang, taunting her.

"Well, you like Dan, you like Dan" she taunted back.

We walked out onto the sidewalk laughing at full volume, hanging on to each other's arms so we didn't topple over.


	33. Chapter thirty two

**Chapter thirty two**

It wasn't actually until I got all the way home that I realized what had happened that night. Dan had actually kissed me and I could still taste his lips. It hadn't actually been Dan who had kissed me though, it had been his irrational drunk mind. Maybe he actually did want to kiss me, but was only confident enough to do so when he was drunk. I couldn't believe how good a kisser he was though, I kept reenacting the moment in my mind, and I could remember every detail. Dan's lips where so soft and passionate.

On the Saturday I woke up a little groggy, probably from the alcohol I had consumed the night before. I drank some water, which made me feel a lot better; I stupidly had forgotten to drink some the night before. After having some breakfast I checked my Tumblr and watched some TV.

At around eleven thirty I received a text from Dan "_Hey, how you doin? My hangovers a bitch. Sorry for anything I did last night, I don't really remember, but I'm usually quite an ass when I'm drunk_" he obviously didn't remember any of what had happened.

I decided to play it cool and replied with "_I'm good, sorry about your hangover. That's fine, you weren't that bad_"

"_Good, because I can't remember a thing_"

We texted back and forth for a while and I invited him over on the Sunday as he was too busy nursing his hangover and trying to edit a video that day. Surprisingly enough he actually managed to upload a video that evening, I was impressed. Since he didn't remember the kiss I didn't feel the need to bring it up either, it would only make things weird between us. I would have to just forget it and suppress all of my feelings for him once again. Oh well, I had done it before, I could do it again.

My day mainly consisted of me relaxing. I went shopping for groceries, I was going to cook Dan dinner the next evening, and found myself going into more than one cute boutique on my way there. It was so hard to not go shopping every day in London, there where so many cute shops everywhere. I was usually pretty good with controlling my flow of money, but since I had moved to London that had become increasingly hard. I bought a tight purple knit sweater which, to be a sweater, looked really sexy on.

The only unexpected thing to happen on Saturday was a text from Benjamin telling me how much he missed me and hoped that I would one day forgive him. I had been able to suppress my thoughts of him the whole Friday evening and Saturday morning, so it irritated me that he had to interrupt my time of peace like that. I was getting on so well with Dan, making real progress, why did Benjamin have to ruin that? I wouldn't say that the text confused me; it just brought back the doubts that had been swirling around in my head on Friday.

I kept telling myself that I didn't want to forgive him or get back together with him, but every time I thought of him and the way he kissed me, those were the only two things on my mind.

**Dan's POV:**

I woke up on the Saturday with a blistering headache and an extremely dry mouth. The first thing I did was get up, go to the bathroom and drink something close to a liter of water. I must have been really drunk the night before; I could only remember small parts of the night. I vaguely remembered dancing crazily with Sarah, for some reason I also remembered kissing her and being slapped witch was probably why my cheek kind of stung when I touched it. Whoever slapped me must have done it pretty hard. Maybe it was Sarah because I kissed her.

It was a bit after eleven o'clock so I expected Sarah would be up by then. I sent her a text "_Hey, how you doin? My hangovers a bitch. Sorry for anything I did last night, I don't really remember, but I'm usually quite an ass when I'm drunk_"

She replied with "_I'm good, sorry about your hangover. That's fine, you weren't that bad_"

"_Good, because I can't remember a thing_"

We texted back and forth for a while and she invited me over on the Sunday as I was too busy nursing my hangover and trying to edit a video that day. She didn't mention the kiss so neither did I. Maybe she didn't remember either, but she said she could fill in the blanks for me on Sunday if I wanted to know anything. She probably didn't want to talk about it; it would probably just make things weird between us.

I couldn't remember very clearly, but I did remember thinking she was an amazing kisser so she must have kissed me back. She was probably just caught in the moment and didn't think about what she was doing. I had wanted to do something like that for a while, but hadn't had the confidence to. We were just friends, she had said so herself that one time when we were over at her place and things had gotten a little heated. Well, I had suppressed my feelings for her so we could become friends to begin with, I could do it again.


	34. Chapter thirty three

**Chapter thirty three**

For Dan's visit I had decided to wear black tights and my new purple knit sweater. I didn't need much makeup, just some concealer and a light layer of mascara. My hair I left as it was. Dan was coming over at four o'clock so is started preparing what I needed to prepare for making dinner at around three thirty. Then it would be ready to be made when we got hungry. I hadn't really planed what we were going to do; I expected we would just hang out. As expected, Dan was late, but only fifteen minutes.

I buzzed him in and a minute later he was knocking on my door. I unlocked it and let Dan in.

"Sorry I'm late" he apologized as he embraced me. Our hugs had become more intimate which only triggered thoughts of the events of the other night.

"That's ok, you're not that late" we pulled away and walked to the living room.

"Oh, I just remembered I saw your last video, but I forgot to like it, I should do that now" I exclaimed.

"No, you don't have to do that" he said scratching his neck.

"Sure I do, I'm a dedicated dinosaur and I liked it, so I want to" I ran off to my bedroom to retrieve my laptop. I returned and found Dan sitting on my couch waiting for me to return. Plopping down next to him I opened my laptop and went onto YouTube, then his channel and then his video.

"Oh, no, please don't" Dan covered his face with his hands.

"Sorry, I forgot you don't like to watch your own videos" I said pausing the video "I'll just press like and then I'll go out of it" when I had finished and exited the internet I removed Dan's hands from his face.

"It's ok, you can come out now" I teased, and he stuck his tongue out at me. "I don't get why you don't want to watch them" he gave me a you-know-exactly-why type of look "ok, maybe I do understand a little"

"So, what do you want to do tonight other than torture me with my videos?"

"I don't know, there's not much to do here really, we could watch some TV, talk and stuff"

"Stuff sounds good"

"Haha" I rolled my eyes, placed my laptop on the coffee table and reached over for the remote. I sat back, switched the TV on and Dan swung an arm over my shoulders. We watched some game show, betted on who would win and talked about other stuff. I even got to give some input on a new video idea he told me about.

At about six thirty I decided to start making the dinner. Dan tried insisting on helping me, but I said that it only stressed me to cook with other people. So, he stood in the doorframe, staying out of my way, and watched me. He looked kind of sexy leant on the door frame like that, and I could feel his eyes on me the whole time tracing every inch of my body. There wasn't much for me to do since I had made it all ready beforehand, so mostly I just stood, leant against the counter, talking to Dan.

The dinner was done within half an hour, Dan set the table and I brought out the food to the dining room. I set two candles on the table and lit them with matches.

"I thought I would make it a little cozy"

We sat down besides each other, for a while we didn't speak, just enjoyed the food.

"This is really good, well done" he complimented me with a mouth full of food.

"Thanks, sometimes I surprise myself with my cooking skills. I remember you saying that you like cooking, you should cook for me some time"

"Yeah I do. Um sure, I'd love to"

We finished the meal talking about our favorite recipes. He helped me carry the dishes to the kitchen and load up the dishwasher. We decided to watch a movie and Dan went to the living room to pick out one. I took a bowl out from the cupboard and filled it with various sweets I had in stock. I added some Norwegian chocolate as well. Dan was bent over my cabinet stuffed full with DVD's when I came out into the living room.

"Have you found anything good?"

"It's so hard to choose, which one do you want to watch" he turned around holding up two movies. The choice was so hard in the end I just had to pick a different movie. I pulled out my favorite movie, called Hackers, and held it up to see if Dan approved. When he looked back at me blankly I decided to give him my best argument.

"Yes, it's a stupid love story, but it's not soppy and it's about a group of computer geeks"

I was afraid Dan would argue, but instead he accepted immediately. The movie went in to the DVD player and I sat down on the couch next to Dan. As the movie started I reached for the bowl of chocolate and we leaned back into the couch, Dan's arm around me. The bowl was emptied pretty fast, Dan commented on the Norwegian chocolate saying it was really good. I snuggled closer and closer to Dan throughout the movie.

The movie ended, but neither of us moved an inch, we were so comfortable, his arm around me and my head resting on his chest. I looked up at Dan and he looked down at me when he noticed that I was looking at him. That's when I kissed him, I couldn't resist. I leaned up and quickly pecked him on the lips.


	35. Chapter thirty four

**Chapter thirty four**

When I pulled away Dan was looking down at me strangely.

"Um don't get me wrong, but what was that?" he asked. Luckily I had already thought up a witty reply.

"You don't remember this, but when we were at that party on Friday you kissed me and I just, um wanted to see if you were just as good a kisser when you're sober"

"First of all I do actually kind of remember that an second of all you can't really judge whether someone is a good kisser by just pecking them on the lips"

"Well I guess not, but" I was interrupted by Dan pulling me towards him again, then leaning down and kissing me, I kissed him back. I sat myself up on my knees so our mouths were at the same level, never braking away from the kiss. Dan was a just as amazing kisser as I remembered. The kiss was soft and sweet, but I was longing for something more passionate. Dan pulled away, I didn't move at all, just sat there with my eyes closed reveling in the memory of what just happened.

"So?" Dan questioned smugly.

"Do you even need to ask?"

"I had to make sure" this time I was the one who interrupted him by leaning inn and trapping him in another kiss. I swung my one leg over Dan's so I was sitting on his lap with one leg on either side of his legs facing him. Dan got my message; his arms went to my waist pulling me closer to his crotch. He deepened the kiss, and I ran my fingers through his soft hair and arched into him. He kissed my neck lightly and I couldn't help but let out a moan of pleasure. Leaning his forehead against mine for a second he smiled, chuckled a little and gave me a dirty look. I returned the look and bit my lip, I was teasing him, and he gave inn and returned his lips to mine. I parted my lips and Dan's tongue slid into my mouth; we were full on making out at that point, this was definitely something more passionate. My mind was partly paralyzed by what was happening, but I felt a hand creep its way under my sweater.

Thoughts started flooding back into my mind at the touch of Dan's cold hand on my lower back. I barely knew this guy, I wasn't used to going this fast. I was almost still a virgin. Dan had probably had lots of women even if he always tried to make himself out to be such an awkward person. He was hot and he had roped me inn pretty easily. I was probably not the first and would probably not be the last. And as I said, I barely knew him, was I just going to jump into bed with him after knowing him for what? Three weeks? A month? Wait, I had wanted to pounce on him the second I saw him, why was I questioning it now?

Then my brain really started to confuse me, suddenly thoughts of Benjamin started popping up, that's why I was questioning it. I thought about how he had kissed me and how that had felt so right and so safe, but could I really forgive him? Maybe my heart was telling me to give him another chance, see if he could prove that he would never hurt me again. He seemed to want to make it up to me, especially with that text he had sent me on Saturday. I did miss him, was me being with Dan so much ruining his chances of showing me how much he wanted me back? The real question was; did I want him back? I had to think about this, but I couldn't do that if I was sitting here making out with Dan.

I pulled away unwillingly. "Dan, I can't, I'm sorry"

"Oh" he said disappointedly "Did I do something wrong? We can go slower if that's what you want" he looked so disappointed, I almost changed my mind.

"No Dan, it's not that, well, I don't know it's kind of that. I'm just a bit confused right now, you know, with Benjamin back and everything going on" I said as I got off him, his arms having left my sides at that point.

"Oh, you're confused are you?" he sounded irritated, what was that all about? "Your cheating ex-boyfriend is back? Oh, well then I completely understand why you're confused"

"It's not like that Dan, you know that" I said in a small voice, barely louder than a whisper.

"Then what is it like?" he was raising his voice now, something that always made me uncomfortable "I'm sure it's really hard to choose between the guy who's been nothing but nice to you, even suppressing his feelings for you so that you could be friends, and your cheating ex-boyfriend. I can imagine how hard that choice must be" the sarcasm dripped from his lips and stung me right in the heart.

"We have history; that makes things harder. We had a really good relationship for a very long time. And I never knew that that was how you felt about me" now I was raising my voice as well, something I almost never did. I felt tears pricking at my eyes, that always happened when someone hurt me or I was arguing with someone, and right then his words hurt.

"I think I should leave" Dan announced getting up.

"I think so too" I said lowering my voice again.

Dan stomped out of the room, I heard him grab his jacket and slam the door to my apartment. I tucked my legs in under my chin and felt the tears start streaming down my face. I wanted to give Benjamin a chance, but this was definitely not what I wanted. Had I just ruined everything I had built up with Dan?


	36. Chapter thirty five

**Chapter thirty five**

I heard a knock on the door. My first thought was of Dan, maybe he had returned to apologize, not that it was really his fault, it was mine. I ran down the hall and swung open the front door. The person standing there wasn't Dan though, it was Valery.

"Hey Valery, what are you doing here?" I asked wiping away some of the moisture form my cheek.

"I heard loud voices and a door slam, and then I saw this guy speed walking down the hallway, he looked pretty upset"

"That was Dan" I said bursting into tears again.

Valery walked into the apartment and closed the door behind her; she embraced me in a big bear hug "What happened honey? I thought things between you and Dan were going well"

I finally stopped sniffling and looked up into her caring face "They were going well, we were having so much fun, but then when we started making out . . ."

"Wait a minute" she cut me off "You guys were making out? Way to go you"

"Yeah" I admitted a smile creeping on to my lips as I whipped away the tears "But now I think I might have ruined everything"

"No don't say that, he really likes you, I could tell by how upset he looked when he stormed out of here, now tell me what happened"

We moved to the living room and sat down on my couch. I told her about how we had been having a good time and then I had kissed him, which she definitely approved of, and then how we had ended up making out. I told her about how my thoughts had started going all over the place and confusing me. I explained that it wasn't like I didn't want to be with Dan, in fact I really did, but first of all I was kind of scared of not being good enough for him, and secondly I was so confused after Benjamin had come back into the picture.

"I mean, it didn't really bother me that he was here in London to begin with, I just ignored that, but then when I found out about him and Anna that really destroyed me" I told her about when I confronted him about it and about the kiss. "I don't know if I want to forgive him and give him another chance or if I'm just feeling like this because of my old feelings for him. Anyway, all my thoughts just got too much and I . . . I just couldn't focus on just being with Dan" I finished.

"You're obviously really confused honey; did you explain this to Dan?"

"I tried, but I don't think I did a very good job, because he obviously didn't take it so well" I sniffled.

"It's understandable that you had a hard time explaining it to him, he doesn't understand the history you have with Benjamin. He probably just saw you having a hard choosing between him and your cheating ex-boyfriend. And when you see it like that it doesn't sound very good"

"That's actually exactly what he said"

"Well then you just have to explain that to him, because you do want to be with him don't you?" I nodded my head in reply "That's what I thought, but first you have to figure out your feelings about Benjamin"

"I know"

"Talk to Benjamin, make a decision and then let Dan know what you decide"

"I don't want to have to decide; can't I just have them both?"

"I wish it worked like that honey"

"I'm afraid that if I talk to Benjamin then I won't be able to give Dan a fair chance, and if I don't then Benjamin won't be getting a fair chance. I don't even know if Dan ever wants to see me again, he was so mad"

"He was just hurt because he cares about you, that much is clear"

"I hate making decisions, I just want everything to go back to what it was like before Benjamin came back into my life" I collapsed into Valery's open arms with my head on her shoulder and cried and cried.

After I stopped crying I sat in Valery's arms for another few minutes, before sitting up and wiping away my tears yet again.

"Maybe I should just turn lesbian, I'm sure girls are much easier to handle"

"There are always rough patches in any relationship, no matter what gender you fancy" she comforted.

"Shouldn't you be at work now Valery?" I asked, suddenly realizing this.

"It's Sunday, I have off on Sundays"

"I'm glad you do" I stated thankfully.

"It's getting pretty late though; maybe you should go to bed?"

"Yeah, maybe I should, I have work tomorrow morning, but thank you for your help, I really needed you tonight"

"No problem honey" she gave me one last hug, I led her down the hall and closed my door behind her as she made her way to her own apartment.


	37. Chapter thirty six

**Chapter thirty six**

After Valery left I went straight to bed, and surprisingly I fell asleep really fast. I slept well and when the alarm clock on my nightstand went off in the morning I didn't want to get up. Somehow I managed to drag myself off of my comfy mattress and into the bathroom. I almost fell asleep again while sitting on the toilet, but when I came out of the bathroom and noticed how little time I had left I was suddenly wide awake. Rushing into the kitchen I grabbed a bowl and some serial, shoving the food into my mouth with a spoon. Then I rushed back into my bedroom, threw on some clothes and hurriedly dabbed on the little makeup I usually put on. I locked my door and dashed down the stairs of my building and onto the street. A cold breeze hit me right in the face as I walked down the street, making my eyes water a bit, but I pushed on and finally reached the shop.

When I walked in I was engulfed by the warmth and immediately relaxed. Ally was working the same shift as me, she could tell that something was wrong, but I told her I would tell her later. I wanted to focus on something other than my problems for a little while. Most of the time talking about your problems helps a lot, but sometimes you just have to distract yourself, otherwise you start overthinking and that never ends well.

My shift went by at a somewhat normal pace. At the time when Dan usually came in I kept catching myself glancing up at the door of the shop, basically waiting and expecting Dan to walk in, but he never did. I didn't really think he would, but I had hoped so. Someone else I knew did come in though, Benjamin.

"Welcome to Starbucks, how can I help you?" I asked cheerily when he approached the cash register.

"I'll have my regular. You have memorized my order right?"

"Of course I have, I do notice patterns. We try are best to please the customers here"

"I know a way that you could please me" he said raising and eyebrow.

"Oh shut up, you're not funny you know that?"

"Then why are you smiling?"

"Then why are you smiling?" I mimicked him, trying to make my voice as low as his. We both laughed at my voice which miserably failed at matching his pitch. He handed me the money for his coffee and I handed him his receipt and change. We held each other's gaze for a while afterword, he looked at me with an air of thankfulness, maybe because he thought I had forgiven him, since I was being so nice. It wasn't a conscious decision to be nice; it just kind of came naturally. My brain kicked into action again and remembered we were in the shop and I had a job to do "Why don't you take a seat while you wait for your order" I offered, gesturing towards the table's right behind him. He nodded and took a seat.

The customers came in a steady flow, Benjamin and I glanced at each other in between each one. When his name was called Benjamin picked up his order, but instead of leaving the shop he went back and took his seat again.

I felt a hand on my shoulder and I turned around to find Ally standing behind me with an evil grin on her face.

"Isn't that Benjamin? I thought we didn't like him; I don't like how much you're keeping from me" she said accusingly "I mean you seemed pretty into Dan on Friday evening"

"And you seemed pretty into Phil" I remarked, she narrowed her eyes at me in warning and I chuckled "Sorry, I just haven't had time to talk to you; I'll explain it all during our lunch break. Ok?"

"Fine, but in the meantime could you go over and clear off those tables. The dirty ones right next to Benjamin"

"You evil ugh" I exclaimed, I stuck out my tongue at her, turned around and walked reluctantly over to the tables she had mentioned. The tables were not too dirty; I cleared them off and came back with a cloth to wipe them down. One of them had a stain form a spill of coffee that just didn't want to come off, I was facing Benjamin scrubbing away and when I eventually gave up on trying to rid the table of the stain I looked up and found Benjamin's gaze on me. I was still bent over the table and by following his gaze I noticed it was directed straight at the little cleavage I had, fully on display because I was leaning over.

I shot Benjamin a look of warning, he quickly looked away and a few minutes later he got up and left the shop, not before he came over to me and whispered a quick goodbye in my ear though.

When he left I decided it was time for me to take my lunch break, I walked to the backroom and was instantly pounced on by Ally with a whole bucket load of questions. In short she wanted to know everything.

I explained about the kiss with Benjamin I still hadn't told her about, the kiss with Dan on the dance floor, the confusing text on Saturday from Benjamin, and my kiss with Dan on Sunday which had been cut short.

"It sounds like you're in quite the pickle" she admitted.

"You can say that again. And now Benjamin is being all nice and sweet, how am I supposed to handle that? Like I told Valery I feel like if I talk to Benjamin he'll just use his leverage in our history to convince me to "pick" him and I won't be giving Dan a fair chance and if I don't then Benjamin won't be getting a fair chance"

"You don't have an obligation to any one of them. It's your decision to make and they shouldn't have a say in it. They obviously both want to be with you, they've shown you that in both actions and words. Now you have to make the decision for you, who do _you_ want to be with?"

"That's the problem, I don't know who to pick. I hate making decisions like this; I just want everything to back to the way it was before Benjamin came back into my life with all this new hurt and confusion"

"That sounds like a vote for Dan to me" she looked at me knowingly.

"I don't know Ally" I admitted exasperatedly "I give up"


	38. Chapter thirty seven

**Chapter thirty seven**

The next day panned out basically the same way. I came to work, Benjamin came in and was nice and sweet and even a little flirtatious. Once again our hands lingered when we touched, his hands were always warm, the opposite of mine. How did he do that, make me think about him all the time? I was starting to remember why I fell for him in the first place; it felt right, but at the same time a little scary. How could I be sure he wouldn't make the same mistakes as last time, how could I be sure he wouldn't cheat on me again. I guess he still had some convincing to do, but at the moment he was slowly but surely working his way back into my life, it was all happening so fast I almost didn't realize it was happening.

At work Leah, my coworker who had informed Ally about Benjamin when he first came into the shop, and I had been talking. She was a very nice girl and since Ally wasn't inn we talked more than usual.

"So what's with you and that cute guy who keeps coming inn?" she asked mischievously.

"Oh that's nothing; he's just an old friend" I brushed her off.

"That's not what it looks like to me"

"Well, that's what it is, really. If you think he's so cute why don't you go for him yourself?" I didn't really mean that, I just wanted to focus the attention on someone other than me for once.

"You don't really mean that, I can see that in your eyes. Don't worry, he's not really my type anyway" she walked off before I could say anything more. Well if we got back together I at least didn't have to worry about him cheating on me with anyone at work, they all seemed to think we had something going on.

I got home that evening feeling pretty content, that was probably because I had been so distracted all day that I hadn't had the time to ever think about Dan. The first thing on my mind as I stepped through the door was of food. My fridge was pretty empty, I guess I had been so distracted lately that I had even forgotten to go to the supermarket to get food. I quickly jotted down the various items I needed on a small notepad, grabbed my keys and walked briskly to the Tesco down the street.

Walking around the aisles, I picked up the different items on my list; I was always efficient with shopping. I was still getting used to the food in this country, I was standing on one of the aisles pondering what type of yoghurt to by when someone whispered in my ear "Hey you". I jumped about two meters in the air and spun around.

"Oh my goodness Benjamin you scared the living daylight out of me. What are you doing here, are you following me or something?" he wasn't going to let me go a second without thinking about him was he.

"I was actually just about to ask you the same thing" he said accusingly.

"Well I guess you got your answer then"

"So, what brings you hear?" he was trying to make conversation.

I held up my little carrier thingy "Buying food" I stated. I started walking down the aisle grabbing the yoghurt I had decided on. Benjamin followed me closely around the shop till I made my way to the checkout. He stood in line behind me and I waited for him by the door while he paid for his food.

We walked out of the shop together "May I walk you home?"

"So that's what this was about, you needed to figure out my address, or maybe you already knew that since you've been following me, but you had to have me show you so that when you arrive at my apartment later I won't be suspicious, so I'll let you inn so that when you stab me there won't be signs of a forced entry"

Benjamin was looking at me with a confused look; I don't think he was able to follow my train of thought. "I'm kidding. Come on" I motioned for him to follow me.

We walked in a comfortable silence for a while before Benjamin broke it "Thank you for not being quite as mad at me lately"

"I haven't forgiven you you know, at least not yet" I didn't want to lie to him; he should know that I was considering it.

"I know, I can tell by your slight coolness. It doesn't matter; I'm going to regain your trust eventually"

"You seem very confident, why so sure of yourself?"

"I can see it in the way you look at me, you want to forgive me, you're just a little too scared and confused. That's ok though, I have all the time in the world, and when you're ready I'll be waiting" that was one of the sweetest things he had ever said to me, quite an arrogant thing to say, but none the less kind of sweet. I had missed the deep conversations we used to have.

"Thank you for not pressuring me" I smiled at him brightly. We kept walking in silence again. "Well, this is me" I announced as we walked up to the front door of my apartment building.

"I guess I'll see you tomorrow at Starbucks" I was glad he hadn't asked to come up with me.

"I guess so" he caught me by surprise when he touched my waist and pulled me inn for a hug. The hug was long, but not too long, just long enough, my arms wrapped around his back and his warm body felt nice pressed against mine. We broke apart and as we were both about to go our separate ways Benjamin leaned down and kissed me on the cheek, it was a light and sweet kiss and I didn't protest. Then he turned around, so did I, he walked down the street and I into my apartment building.


	39. Chapter thirty eight

**Chapter thirty eight**

I decided Anna needed an update, so after making myself some food and turning on my computer I logged onto Skype and luckily she was on as well.

"_Hey bby 3_" she typed the second I logged on.

"_Hey, how's school?_"

"_Ugh, let's not talk about that right now. What about your life, how's the guy situation going?_"

"_Actually I'm not so sure; it's a little confusing at the moment_"

"_Enlighten me!_" she was obviously excited.

"_Well, I had what you could call a date with Dan on Sunday_"

"_OOHH, exciting. How did that go?_"

"_Very well until we started making out and then I started overthinking about everything and basically told him he had to leave_"

"_What happened, was it Benjamin?_" it was weird how she came to that conclusion so fast.

"_Kinda, well, he was part of the reason. He sent me this text on Saturday that totally confused me for some reason. I couldn't just exclusively decide to go for Dan; I wouldn't be giving Benjamin a fair chance at earning my forgiveness_"

"_So, did you talk to Dan about that?_"

"_Well I tried to tell him that, but I guess I wasn't able to find the right words at the time and he kinda took it pretty badly, he got really angry and stormed out_"

"_You should have called me right away_" she was such a good friend.

"_It was really late and Valery helped me, I didn't want to bother you. I know how tiring it is to be a student to begin with without your best friend calling you in the middle of the night from England because she's having guy problems_"

"_Don't ever say anything like that ever again; I'm warning you, if you need me call me no matter what. So, have you talked to him since that?_"

"_Ok, you know I love you right, but no, he hasn't been coming in to Starbucks at all. I've been talking to Benjamin quite a lot though, he comes in everyday_"

"_It doesn't sound like you're really giving Dan a fair chance then_" she was right.

"_I know, that's why I'm so messed up, but Benjamin has been so sweet and nice, and I he keeps distraction me whenever I think about Dan. I'm almost considering forgiving him at this point_"

"_Oh no, you definitely do not want to do that, he really is bad news, he's just using your history to get you back. Earlier though you said that Benjamin was only part of the reason that you broke up your make out session with Dan_"

"_Yeah, my overthinking started with thinking that Dan probably had had many girls before me, even though he always makes himself out to be such an awkward person. I mean, you've seen how easily he's roped me in. I don't think that's the main reason though, I think it's Benjamin_"

"_Baby, now I understand everything_"

"_What? What am I missing?_" what did she know and how had I missed it?

"_You're afraid that you're not good enough for Dan and that you'll get hurt again like you did last time. You're using Benjamin as an excuse, you don't really want to forgive him, why should you, but now that's he's being nice like he used to be it's reminding you of your feelings for him when you first started dating. It's giving you a false sense of security, and now your new possible relationship with Dan has become the scary and unsure thing. Don't be afraid, Dan won't hurt you, he's a good guy. You shouldn't go back to Benjamin though; it'll just show him that he can get away with that stuff with you. He's not sorry he did what he did; he's just sorry he got caught. There's a reason people say once a cheater always a cheater_"

I let her words sink inn. Was she right? "_How do you know all of this? How can you be sure?_" I questioned, it made so much sense, but could it really be true?

"_Well I know for sure that Benjamin isn't sorry, and the only reason I can find for you suddenly wanting to forgive him is that you're scared it'll happen again_"

"_But he's being so nice_"

"_He's very good at getting what he wants, if you don't believe me wait and see, I'm sure you'll see what I mean. But you should at least talk to Dan; you don't want what you have with him to go to waste_"

Our conversation ended a short while after that, Anna had things to do and I had to rest, my brain ached. Had everything I had thought been wrong, what Anna had said made so much sense. It was like a puzzle coming together perfectly. I wasn't completely convinced that Benjamin was pure evil though, he had been so nice and sweet to me lately, I didn't want to throw that all away either, just because Anna was skeptical. I decided that maybe I'd go talk to Dan after my shift the next day.


	40. Chapter thirty nine

**Chapter thirty nine**

I didn't know what the outcome of this day would be, but I knew that I was going to have to make a decision; I couldn't keep them both waiting forever. I was going to talk to Benjamin after my shift, hear what he had to say and then I was going to go talk to Dan and see what he had to say and then I was going to make a decision. I just hoped that Dan would be willing to talk to me.

Determined, I stepped inside the nice and warm backroom of the shop. I had been paid particular care to make my makeup look natural, I didn't want to look dolled up for the boys, but I did want to look like I had "flawless skin" and whatnot. Benjamin had seen me at my best and worst makeup wise, but I still liked to impress guys, whether I was interested in them or not.

Changing into my uniform I once again marveled at how good the pants made my butt look. I slicked my hair back into a high ponytail with my curls bushing out in the back, I pulled my side bangs out and messed the rest of my hair up a little, a ponytail never looked good if it was too perfect.

My shift started out in the usual way, I was manning the coffee machine; I was so used to making coffee at this point that I didn't have to think when an order came inn. After a while I switched places with Leah who was working the cash register. After a little while Benjamin came in, as expected.

"Hey there" he greeted.

"Welcome to Starbucks, may I take your order.

He chuckled before answering "Yeah, I'll have my usual"

"Alright then" I replied and wrote his name on a paper cup "Anything else?"

"No thank you"

"Well then, please take a seat while you're waiting"

He did, he sat down at one of the tables in the back, right by the counter where one would pick up ones coffee. I motioned to Leah to come over, she trotted over to me.

"What?" she asked cheerily.

"Could you just take over for a second, I've gotta go do something"

"Sure"

I walked around the counter and over to where Benjamin was sitting and sat down beside him.

"Hey, something up?" he asked.

"Actually I would like to have a little chat with you when I'm done here, we have to sort some things out" I gave him a serious look; I didn't want him to get the wrong impression. I had been pretty sure about my decision last night after talking to Anna, but after seeing him I had begun to doubt it. Maybe we could work things out, I always felt myself cheer up whenever I saw him lately.

"Ok, I'll meet you out back when your shift is over" I nodded in response.

I slid back behind the counter again and reclaimed my position behind the cash register. Leah gave me a knowing look and a nudge in my side.

"What?" I asked impatiently.

"You two, I see what's going on. Too bad, he really is a handsome one"

"Oh, would you give it a rest, we're only friends and nothing more" I was getting a bit irritated at all the things my colleagues were making up and thinking that they had seen. If there was something going on between Benjamin and I, which there wasn't, not yet at least, I probably wouldn't be trying to hide it. I hate when people assume things and discuss me behind my back.

"Ok, ok, I believe you" she admitted honestly "it's just a shame that's all"

"You just had to throw that inn there didn't you?"

"Couldn't resist" she walked off giggling. She was a nice girl, a bit too nosy for my taste, but a nice girl none the less.


	41. Chapter forty

**Chapter forty**

My shift was finished, but some of my colleagues who had the shift after me were late so I offered to stay behind for a little while and hold down the fort.

"You sure you don't want me to stay here with you?" Leah had asked, but I dismissed her, saying there weren't many customers and that I could handle it myself, but also thanked her for asking.

Luckily my colleagues weren't very late, when they arrived they all apologized to me for making me stay late, but I dismissed them as well. I was always the one to do what had to be done, and I never resented people for inadvertently burdening me with work I didn't actually deserve. I gathered my stuff and walked out the back of the shop. I had texted Benjamin when I found out that I would be staying late, I had told him to just wait for me in the alley behind the shop and that I didn't know quite how long I would be.

When I stepped out into the cold alley I didn't immediately see Benjamin, I stood there for a few minutes then started walking out towards the street. Maybe he had gotten board and left, no, he would probably just have come into the shop then.

As I walked out towards the street I noticed some muffled noises coming from a dark corner of the alley. It sounded like a female voice giggling, and then the voice spoke in a hushed tone "What if she comes out and finds us?" soon a deep male voice replied in an equally muffled tone "Don't worry, there's nothing going on between us, why would she mind?"

Wait a minute, I recognized that voice. For a second I stood in the same place in stunned silence. This couldn't be what I thought it was, no I couldn't just assume something like that. My brain was working a mile a minute, I didn't want to interrupt these two people, but I had to confirm my suspicions.

I stepped forward towards the dark corner and stuttered a faint "Excuse me"

The voices died away abruptly. After a few moments the two people stepped out of the darkness and my suspicions were confirmed. Benjamin emerged followed by none other than Leah.

For a second I just stood in place and stared at them not able to form the words that were swirling around in my head to sentences. Benjamin bowed his head looking ashamed and studied his shoes, Leah quickly let go of Benjamin's hand which she had been holding onto.

"What's going on?" I finally managed "No, wait I don't think I want to know the answer to that question" I added.

"It's not what it looks like" Leah started pleading.

"What do you mean 'it's not what it looks like'? I don't know what you think it looks like, but I think it's exactly what it looks like!" I spat back at her. I could feel the anger boiling up inside me. How could this be happening? I was just about to start forgiving him and then he goes off and does this. Not that were a couple or anything, but he was definitely flirting with me and I knew he wanted to get back together. How was I supposed to trust him if he kept hooking up with girls the second I turned my back.

"I mean you're obviously upset, but you told me just now that there was nothing going on between you two"

"There isn't, but first of all you don't just go hooking up with your friends ex's. Second of all I was just about to start forgiving him for the last time he did something like this to me! I knew, or at least I thought I knew, that he wanted to get back together and I was going to try to forgive him and maybe see where it might lead us"

"Ok, so there obviously was something going on between you guys. You should have told me" she tried and failed to push the blame away from herself.

"I didn't know that you were going to go about hooking up with him! And anyway I partly told you that to get you guys at work off my back about everything"

"I'm sorry that you know and have chemistry with every cute guy who comes into the shop. People talk. I didn't mean that you had to tell me, it's not like you could have foreseen this. I didn't either. It just kind of happened, and since he was the one who took initiative I didn't think it could turn into a problem. I'm just so sorry" she looked defeated and her eyes were starting to water.

"It's ok, I can't be mad at you. You didn't know"

"Thank you. You're too good to me" she rushed up to me and surprised me with a hug. I was being truthful, I couldn't blame her. It wasn't her fault. I felt like pushing her away, but I didn't. I knew my anger was with Benjamin and I shouldn't take it out on her. I hugged her back.

We both pulled back and I smiled at her forgivingly "Would you mind leaving us alone for a bit? There's something I need to talk to Benjamin about" I said feigning happiness.

"Not one bit" she admitted gathering herself "I'm really sorry I hope you can forgive me" she said and started backing away.

"I already have dear" I admitted. She smiled and turned away, walking off, turning out of the alley and disappearing. I was almost getting used to this now. My experience told me who was at fault and I knew now that it was better to forgive and forget as soon as possible to cause as little pain as possible.

I turned around to face Benjamin. To my surprise he hadn't tried to sneak off while my back was turned off. He looked up at me now; in his eyes I could tell he knew he'd done something wrong and that he should be ashamed.

I put on my sternest face, placed my feet apart and my hands on my hips in my most offensive position "What the hell is wrong with you?" I spat.


	42. Chapter forty one

**Chapter forty one**

"I . . . I" he stuttered.

I cut him off "What the hell is wrong with you?" I was shouting now "What was even going on inside that messed up head of yours? Did you even want me to forgive you?"

"Of course I do"

"Well, that's not what it looks like to me. How could you do this to me? AGAIN!" I screamed. I could feel a break down coming on.

"I wasn't thinking, it just sort of happened and I knew it was wrong, but I didn't think you would ever find out"

"That is the worst excuse I think I've ever heard. Oh my goodness, Anna was right, you are bad news. I guess it's right what they say, once a cheater, always a cheater"

"I didn't know you were that serious about forgiving me"

"What does that have to do with anything? Anyway, I told you I wanted to sort some things out with you. Did that not even give you a clue?"

"You're right; I should have thought it over a little before I did it"

"'Should have thought it over a little before you did it?' Yeah, you should have! But now it's too late. How am I supposed do trust you when the second I turn my back you're hooking up with another one of my friends? Tell me that"

He obviously had no response so I kept on going.

"How could I be so stupid? I went directly against the advice of my best friend, who was actually at the other end of the situation and knows even more about what happened the first time than I do. What was I thinking? You know what? I actually know exactly what I was thinking. I was thinking 'Oh, poor Benjamin, I'm not giving him a proper chance to be forgiven'. And do you know why I was thinking that? Because of you; you little manipulative shit!" I spat the last sentence at him with so much hate he flinched.

"Let's not get carried away now"

"Yes, let's! I'm not finished with you! You manipulated me buy kissing me and being nice to me and bringing back my old feelings, which by the way were all buried away long before you came to see me that first time. You made remember all that we used to have and how good our relationship was and it felt safe because I was so used to it. But it wasn't real. Was it ever real Benjamin? Did you ever care for me as much as I cared for you?"

"Of course I did" he pleaded.

"Don't lie to me! I was so in love with you, no wait, I wasn't; I thought I was in love with you. But the whole time you were looking over your shoulder, looking out for something better to come along"

"That's not true! I thought I was in love with you too" he lowered his voice to almost a whisper "but people make mistakes"

"Yes, they do, but you would think that after the first horribly devastating time they would learn and not make that same mistake again. Look at the amount of people you've hurt by going this. I know Anna hurt for a long time and was afraid she would lose me, Kristopher must have been pretty hurt as well, I can imagine, Leah looked pretty hurt to me, and me, you hurt me, not once, but twice. Why do you enjoy tormenting me?"

"Of course I don't enjoy tormenting you; I haven't done any of this on purpose"

"I can understand the first time, you were drunk, and people make mistakes when they're drunk, that's why I was going to try to forgive you. But this time, you weren't even drunk Benjamin. How could you do that without being under the influence of something? Your brain must have had a power out or something"

"I don't know I guess I wasn't thinking properly. Maybe I wasn't thinking at all"

"I guess you weren't" I could feel this conversation coming to an end "And the worst part is you most likely ruined my relationship with Dan" I hadn't thought about that before now. That's when I felt a tear stream down my cheek, not because I was sad about what Benjamin had done or because I was now definitely never going to get back together with him, or the fact that I was probably never going to see him again. Because those things didn't really matter anymore, I was done crying over Benjamin. When I thought of him now I felt nothing, nothing at all.

I did however still feel bad about what happened between me and Dan. I thought back to what Anna had tried to tell me earlier. Maybe I was just afraid of being hurt again and that's why I had wanted to back to Benjamin because for some reason that felt safe. It wasn't though, Dan was safe, and he had always been nicer and more genuine than Benjamin had ever been.

All of a sudden I knew what I had to do.

"I guess you won't be able to forgive me this time"

"No I won't, but if you would excuse me, I have something more important to attend to" before he could reply I rushed off. I heard him yell my name after me but I just picked up my speed, starting to run.


	43. Chapter forty two

**Chapter forty two**

I ran all the way back to my apartment, I unlocked the door, and flung myself in threw the door of my bedroom. The first thought I had was 'I have to change'. Something a little bit nicer than a pair of jeans and a hoodie. Obviously there's nothing wrong with a pair of jeans and a hoodie, that's what I normally wore, but right now I was aiming to dress to impress.

I stripped down completely, I even changed my underwear. I always felt much sexier if I knew I was wearing sexy underwear, even though it was underneath all my clothes and no one knew about it but me. Didn't even know if it was necessary, I thought most likely not, but I'm a just-in-case type of person. I put on a skin hugging purple V-neck top with quarter length sleeves and my favorite pair of black skinny jeans. I threw on a sweatshirt; the weather was getting really cold lately. Gathering my keys and my phone I raced out the door and locked it behind me.

I knew exactly where I was headed and walked with determination. When I reached the apartment building I walked up to the telecom system. Right then a woman opened the door and walked out.

"Are you going in here dear?" she asked holding the door open for me.

"Oh, yes thank you" I thanked her while slipping in.

"No problem" she said before releasing the door behind me to close.

I jogged lightly up the stairs and found the apartment I was looking for easily. I took a deep breath before ringing the door bell and waiting for someone to open up. After a minute or so I heard some shuffling form inside the door, then the door swung open and Phil was standing in front of me.

"Hey, Sara" he greeted a little surprised.

"Hey, Phil" I said and hugged him quickly.

"Um I'm glad you've come to your senses. He's in his room"

"You're the best Phil" I said before scurrying down the hall to the door to Dan's room.

I knocked on the door and heard a faint "Go away Phil" from inside. Instead of listening to the request I slowly tuned the handle and opened the door. Dan was sitting on his bed in what looked like the most uncomfortable position ever with his laptop on his lap. He looked horrible, he had huge bags under his eyes, like he hadn't slept for days, and on the bedside table next to him was a giant, almost finished package of Maltesers.

"I said go away" he repeated irritably. When I didn't move he looked up at me and realized I wasn't Phil.

"Oh, I thought I heard the bell ring, it was you. So, what do you want then?" he greeted.

"Hello to you too Daniel" he groaned, I knew he didn't like being called Daniel, but he didn't exactly give me the warmest welcome either. Ok Sarah, I thought to myself, focus on why you're here. "I came to apologize"

"Sure took you long enough" he retorted, looking back down at his computer screen.

"Don't give me that, I'm trying to apologize here!" he grunted and I continued "I'm really sorry, I lead you on and then I was too scared and uncertain about my feelings to follow through"

For a while Dan didn't say anything, just kept scrolling down the website he was browsing. After a minute or so he shut the screen and finally spoke "I just don't understand how you could've been confused"

"Well, that's what I'm here to explain, if you'll let me?"

"Go on"

"Ok, well first I thought it was Benjamin confusing me" I could tell he winced at Benjamin's name "I thought that he was using my old feelings for him to manipulate me into forgiving him. And then when he kissed me" at that Dan looked up at me with what looked like part shock and part jealousy "when he kissed me it felt wrong, but at the same time it felt really right and safe, because it was something that I knew. And I know that that sounds stupid, I mean how could it feel safe when I knew he had hurt me before the way he did? But it and to begin with I thought it was because he was using my old feelings for him, which in reality were gone a long time ago. I mean we had a really good relationship for a really long time, and I thought that I was just longing to have that good, long, safe relationship back. But I was talking to Anna about this, and she saw something I didn't. You see, it wasn't actually about Benjamin at all" at this point I checked to see if Dan was still paying attention. The explanation had ended up a little longer than I had planned, but I wanted it to come out right so he didn't misunderstand.

Dan was looking up at me; he had put away his computer now and had turned his whole body toward me, listening intently.

I took a seat next to him on the bed, still keeping my distance, and continued the explanation "See what Anna saw which I didn't was that actually I was just afraid. See, I was so hurt after Benjamin broke up with me and again when I found out why that for some reason I was afraid that it would happen again with you. So, I was scared, and even if I knew that the likelihood of him hurting me again was greater than the likelihood of you ever hurting me, I guess I felt I could handle it better if he hurt me again than if someone else did. And the worst part is that it hurt almost just as much the second time, but at least now I've learned my lesson and know who to forgive and who never to forgive"

"Sarah" he started in a sympathetic voice, but I cut him off.

"Just here me out ok? I was an idiot, and I wasn't thinking, or I was, but my thinking was messed up. I know you would never hurt me and I have no idea why I would ever think so. Actually I do know why, because you are an amazing person with tons of fame and I know how you always say that you are really awkward and stuff, but look how easily you roped me inn. I was scared that I wasn't good enough for you because you could have anyone in the world"

Dan looked at me a little goofily, I guess because of that last comment.

"In the end it was me who ended up hurting you, and I'm sorry. Because you didn't deserve that, just because I was being stupid and not seeing how good you were being to me. You deserve better than a stupid girl who forgives her cheating ex-boyfriend before even giving you a chance"

"Are you done now?" he asked, I could see he had something on his mind that he wanted to share.

"Yeah, I think so"

"Ok, um my turn. I liked you from the second I saw you in that Starbucks. I tried being friends with you at first, but I always knew that wasn't going to work out because the more time I spent with you the more feelings I started to develop for you" I wondered where this was going, it could either end really bad or really good, I was hoping for the latter "I was so jealous when your ex-boyfriend came into the picture, but I kept on going, because I knew I was better for you than he was and that you would eventually realize that. When we kissed I was over the moon and then when you broke it up because of _him _I was furious, for a long time" he ended there, I didn't quite know what that meant, but by then I had more to say.

"You know I've wanted to be with you for three years, and then I stupidly mess it up when I get the chance. When you left on Sunday I cried for ever, because that was the last thing I wanted. And when I walked away from Benjamin earlier, after he hurt me for the second time in the same way, I also cried. But I didn't cry because I knew I was losing him, I felt nothing for him at all, I cried because I suddenly realized that I might have ruined my chances with you. And I didn't know how I could be so incredibly blind and stupid. I came here as soon as I could and when found you here in this state I immediately knew that you were everything I wanted, but also that you deserved better than me"


	44. Chapter forty three

**Chapter forty three**

After quite a long silence Dan started talking again "I was furious for a long time, with Benjamin for confusing and steeling you from me, and with you for not seeing that I was better for you than him. The moment you walked into this room though I knew that that fury was mostly with myself for not fighting for you. And then you went ahead without any persuading and pored your heart and soul out to me. That was the most honest thing a girl has ever said to me. And all of a sudden I wasn't angry with you anymore. Just like you've learned who to forgive, so have I. Everyone makes mistakes, but not everyone has enough insight and intelligence to see it on their own" he had scooted closer and closer to me as the words escaped his mouth.

"Well, I did have some help" I pointed out kind of playfully.

"Oh, shut up. Do you want the happy ending or not?" he bit back teasingly.

"You know I'm a sucker for a happy ending" I confessed.

"I know I'm not a prince or knight in shining armor"

"No, you're better" I smiled, so did he, his brilliant, broad smile shining brighter than ever. Dan's gaze traveled down to my lips for a second, and then shot up to find mine again. Then he kissed me and I hadn't been happier about anything since the last time he did. It was a soft and sweet kiss, but it still left me breathless, so even if we only kissed for a few moments it left me panting for air. Dan had placed his hand on my shoulder during the kiss and now we were sitting there resting our foreheads against each other and staring into each other's eyes.

At that moment I heard the door open and Dan and I both looked up to see who it was. Of course it was Phil.

"I see you two love birds have made up. Thank god you came to your senses Sarah, I was almost afraid I was losing Dan completely for a while there" he mocked Dan.

"Hey, shut up man" Dan shot in Phil's direction.

"No, don't it's cute when guys are shattered over you. What do you mean you thought you had lost him?" I intervened.

"Well, he came home slamming doors; I had to come in to comfort him. He was crying so much. All he's done for the last few days is sit and sulk in his room and eat all of his meals in bed, and stuff his face with chocolate" Phil explained.

"She doesn't need the details Phil" Dan shot him a death glare.

"No, really I do, Phil go on" I started, but the last word was partly mangled because Dan grabbed my chin, guided it toward him and covered my mouth with his lips in order to stop me from speaking. I was about to push him away, but his hand was on my waist as he bit softly at my bottom lip. A satisfied moan escaped my throat. I curled my fingers into the hair at the back of Dan's head as our tongues intertwined and he dragged me down onto the bed with his body slightly on top of mine.

"Okay" Phil exclaimed "I'll be in the lounge when you've finished in here"

I felt Dan's hand leave my waist and waive frantically at Phil, signaling him to leave the room. Phil hurriedly scurried out of the room and shut the door behind him probably not wanting to witness any more than he already had.

Dan was going a little too fast for my liking, not that I didn't like what he was doing, don't get me wrong, but we needed to slow it down a little. I mean we had only just made up. Plus we couldn't just ignore Phil. So, I pulled away slightly from Dan's lips and he immediately started kissing down my neck. When he reached my collarbone I unintentionally let out another moan of pleasure.

'No, Sarah focus!' I managed to summon the mental and physical strength, and pushed Dan off of me.

"Slow down there cowboy" I was happily able to use that catch phrase for once "we've got to be a little social, we can't ignore Phil. We can pick this up later"

"Is that a promise?" Dan asked. We were both now lying side by side staring up at the sealing.

I turned my head to face him and grinned goofily "It's a promise" and with that I grabbed his hand in mine and hauled him off the bed. I lead him down the hall to the lounge where we found Phil engrossed in his computer screen. Dan barged over to where Phil was sitting, still holding my hand, so I was dragged along, and waved his hand in front of Phil's face to get his attention.

"Hey, Phil. She just broke up our perfectly good make out session so we could socialize with you" Dan said gesturing to me "so you better pay attention to us" he added before slumping down onto the couch next to Phil.

Phil closed his computer and put it aside "Ok, yeah, I was thinking maybe we could have some food, watch a movie or something?" he asked, now providing us with his undivided attention.

"Well, it's a while until dinner time, so let's watch a movie first and then we can have some food afterwards" I suggested.

"Sounds good to me" Dan agreed "So what movie?"

"I don't know, but let's not watch a scary one this time" I pleaded.

"I don't know, I kind of liked the outcome of that the last time" Dan not so subtly hinted to the fact that the last time we watched a scary movie I ended up in his bed half naked.

"No, please don't make me" I pleaded, then I tuned toward Dan, leant in close to his ear and whispered "anyway, you might get that outcome without a scary movie, if you play your cards right" when I moved away again I could see Dan's eyes had widened a little at what I'd just told him. That brought a smile to my lips and a slight blush to my cheeks. When Dan looked over at me with a questioning look, as if to ask 'do you really mean that?', I let out a small giggle and bit my lip. I looked down at my had witch was still intertwined with Dan's and gave it a squeeze as if to say 'yeah'. My stomach was doing flips, it felt good and exiting.

"Ok, then what _do_ you want to watch?" Phil asked cutting in.

"Just because I know what I _don't_ want to watch doesn't mean I know what I _want_ to watch" I replied.

"OK, well I have an idea" Phil stood, walked over to their movie collection, and went over the backs of the movies with his finger before he found what he was looking for. He took the movie he'd selected out of the cabinet and handed it to me to read.

I read the back, it was an action-comedy that I hadn't seen before "Sure we can watch this" I agreed.

Phil took the movie from me again and after getting a nod of approval from Dan he placed it in the DVD-player. He came back to the couch and sat down next to Dan again. Dan leant back into the couch as the movie started and I snuggled up to him to assume our now perfected snuggling position. I looked over at Phil and noticed that he looked kind of lonely sitting there all on his own. I definitely had to work my magic a little and see if he might be interested in Ally, so I could subtly set them up.


	45. Chapter forty four

**Chapter forty four**

By the end of the movie we were all laughing. When we had finished Dan offered to go and make us some food as it was now about dinner time. After kissing me lightly on the forehead he left for the kitchen.

Phil and I sat for a while like I used to do with my sister after watching any good movie and basically relived the whole movie, commenting on every funny scene and good line. Everything was now an inside joke, and Phil and I had a lot of the same humor.

When we had finished talking about the movie the room fell into a silence, it wasn't an awkward silence; we just hadn't found a new topic of conversation yet.

After a few moments Phil broke it "I know I've already said this, but I'm glad you finally came to your senses with Dan and all"

"So am I, really I was just being stupid and I'm glad that I was able, with some help, to see how stupid I was being. I just want to put that behind us now, so we can move on with our . . . well, relationship I guess you could call it"

"If what you and Dan have isn't a relationship then I don't know what is. He really likes you you know; I was genuinely worried about him" he admitted.

"It really hurt me to put him though it as well, I guess I'm just not used to guys really liking me" I paused for a while "Phil, I know this is kind of changing the subject, but not really, do you remember my friend Ally form the other night?" I questioned.

"Yeah, of course" his whole face lit up at the mention of her.

"What did you think of her?" I pressed.

"I don't know, she seemed really sweet and she had a great sense of humor. Why?" he asked I could see he was getting curious now.

"Oh, nothing, I was just wondering really. You guys just seemed to hit it off pretty nicely"

"I guess we did" he admitted.

Just then Dan popped his head round the door and announced that dinner was ready. Phil and I got up and followed Dan into the kitchen and helped him carry the food back into the lounge where the dining table stood. We all gathered round setting the table.

Dan and I sat down next to each other with Phil across the table from us. Dan hadn't made anything fancy, just some chicken, vegetables and rice, but it was really good.

"So what did I miss while I slaved in the kitchen?" Dan asked sarcastically.

"Not much" Phil answered.

"Not really" I agreed "we just talked about the movie, how Phil was glad I've come to my senses and how Ally and he hit it off the other night" I added.

"Really? This is news to me, what happened?" Dan asked curiously.

"Well, you were drunk so Ally helped me get you home. Phil opened the door half naked and helped us get you into bed. I excused myself to go to the bathroom and by the time I got back they were all giggles" I recalled.

"They just stayed for tea and she was nice to talk to" Phil interjected.

"Yeah, nothing special" I agreed, my words dripped with irony "actually for me it was quite boring" I said honestly.

"What do you mean?" Dan asked, I think he foresaw my sarcastic response.

"Well would you enjoy sitting there with them going 'Oh, you're so funny Phil' and 'I can't believe we both like this one band' and 'No, _you're_ too sweet' and I mean all that staring into each other's eyes longingly" I rolled my eyes and Dan broke out in fits of laughter.

When he was finally able to breathe again he touched my arm and exclaimed "Oh, you're so funny Sarah" and then broke out into even more fits of laughter. At that I also started laughing and I could see a smile tug at the edges of Phil's mouth.

"Oh, come on Phil, admit it, you were so into each other you hardly even noticed that I was there" I mocked him.

"I didn't realize we were being that bad" he admitted.

"That's ok, I actually enjoyed watching you guys make complete fools out of your selves" I admitted.

Dan had finally stopped laughing hysterically by now "I bet we were pretty bad that first time the three of us went out"

"We were not! We had known each other for longer, so we had probably gotten most of that out of the way already" I argued.

"You weren't that bad actually. I was pretty impressed actually; I mean by the way Dan had talked about you I was actually expecting worse. I was pretty impressed by how cool you both seemed. Although every time one of you said something witty or funny you both looked at each other with those goofy smiles" Phil told us.

"Remember what happened later that evening?" Dan asked and I nodded in response "You were lying on top of me on the couch and I remember I had an overwhelming urge to kiss you, but back then I still thought you only wanted to be friends. You also said you didn't like guys who went too fast" he reminded me accusingly.

"Well, in general that's correct, but it depends on who the guy is and if I'm ready to go fast" I had a feeling Dan and I were talking about the same thing.

"I mean, because what you said earlier" Dan said, but really he was asking, asking about what I had whispered earlier and if I had really meant it.

"Well, I have known you for a few more weeks . . ." I trailed off, but I think Dan understood what I meant anyway. He grabbed my hand and stood up, helping me to my feet. Then he turned to Phil "Phil do you mind cleaning up here, we have some unfinished business to attend to"

"Ok, but what unfinished business? Oh, no wait, I don't think I want to know" Phil suddenly realized what Dan was talking about.

"Good decision, thanks Phil" he said as he dragged me out of the lounge and down the hall. Dan didn't waste any time, by the time he had closed his bedroom door behind us he was already kissing me. He pushed me up against the door kissing me roughly, it felt so good. My body was tingling with anticipation. My hands were in his hair pulling him closer to my and Dan's were on my waist pushing me against the door.

When he broke away and started kissing down my neck I broke, I just couldn't wait any more. I had wanted this for so long. I pushed Dan away from me, and he gave me a questioning look. Before he could do anything I grabbed his wrist, gave him a suggestive look and pulled him after me toward the bed. I pushed him down onto the bed; I actually didn't push him very hard, he kind of fell onto the bed of his own accord. He lay on the bed waiting for me, I stood over him for a few moments before climbing on top of him and connecting our lips again.

We were both breathing heavily and the kiss was now extremely needy. I sat up on top of him and removed my shirt. Boy was I glad I had gone for that sexy underwear now. I leaned down again to Dan's lips, and I could feel his hands roaming all over my back and all over the rest of my body for that matter. I grinded my hips against his creating friction and anticipation. Dan grabbed my waist and rolled me over so he was now on top and kissed down my chest feverishly.


	46. Announcement

**Hey, the sequel to this story is now up! It's called Bad Aim and all of you loyal readers should go check it out, it might even be better than Completely Unexpected!**

s/9706140/1/Bad-Aim


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